Lost and Found
by SweetChi
Summary: The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions. Can Mustang save Edward before he finds the end of that path?
1. Prologue

_Timeline:_ Set after Brotherhood, but disregards the "Two years later" time skip.

 _Rating:_ T for Ed's mouth and some violence.

 _Pairings_ : Pre-slash Roy/Ed, but could maybe be read as just intense bromance if you squint or read with one eye closed. Nothing explicit going on, in other words.

 **Prologue**

A heavy black boot hit the puddle with force, the splash going unnoticed on already soaked pants but the sound was gunshot loud in the silent alley. Stealth was pointless now, his quarry had spotted him and was on the run – he _had_ to catch him. He'd seen the notes, the arrays and he knew what the madman was planning.

The deja-vu had made him breathless for a moment.

So many years later, in a different damned _country_ even, but still the same old shit over and over. If he didn't catch this guy, stop him before he began…

Ed clenched his teeth hard enough to make his jaw ache. He had something up his sleeve that might work, but he wasn't _ready_. It was all just theoretical, but the idea was sound. He'd come up with some pretty wild stuff in the last few years – all of which he couldn't put into practical use, and some probably _shouldn't_ be even if he could. His backup plan here fell into the latter category - even if it did work, it didn't mean that he _should_ do it. The very thought of putting _that_ into action made him slightly dizzy with anxiety.

The other option was failing altogether though. If he didn't get there in time _and_ his Plan B failed…

No, just fucking _no_. He _would not_ go through that fucking fiasco _again_. He couldn't do it again. He _couldn't._ Not because of the loss of his alchemy but mentally, the thought just made something shrivel inside of him.

To think for a little while there he'd been bitching and moaning the loss of adventure…

This was _not_ what he'd had in mind.

 _Please don't let me be too late…_

His target rounded a corner ahead of him, the sopping tail of his coat giving a little goodbye flick before disappearing. Ed gritted his teeth and pushed himself harder as his automail port groaned in protest at the damp combined with the abuse. He slid on the wet ground, balancing himself gracefully as he rounded the corner in a spray of water and gravel.

The alley was empty.

" _Fuck_ ," he hissed, eyes sweeping the doorways.

Rain fell heavily around him, not cooling the muggy air at all. Aerugo's weather was fucking ridiculous – beautiful or horrible with no in-between. Distractedly shoving wet hair off his face, he mentally mapped the area – nothing but abandoned industrial warehouses around here if he remembered correctly. The town of Palyo was close enough to the border to still be recovering from Bradley's time in power and reconstruction hadn't reached this old industrial stretch yet. Taking a guess, Ed went left.

The door was locked.

A vain throbbed above his eyebrow as he dashed right.

It was locked, too.

He growled out a long line of expletives as his eyes darted back and forth.

"Quit bein' lazy," he growled at himself, pulling back his foot he gave the door a hard kick that did nothing thing but make a loud clanging sound.

 _Fuck it…_

The third kick popped the door with a squeal of metal.

Even after all this time his hands still gravitated to that familiar pre-clap position when adrenaline was running high. He scoffed and shook it off, reaching instead for the knife in his belt. He'd gotten his ass handed to him a lot in that first year when instinct had him clapping before his brain reminded him it was useless.

The inside of the building was pitch black and loud with the sound of rain on the corrugated roof. The smell hit him like a kick to the face and he threw an arm over his nose to block it. It validated he was in the right place, but it also told him with gut churning certainty that he was too late – at least for some of them…

The ground beneath him burst into life in a frighteningly familiar pattern, freezing him in place. A chuckle jerked his attention up to see Keller, the alchemist he'd been chasing, on the edge of the array, grinning manically and lit only by the blue alchemical energy.

"You crazy fucker, this isn't going to work out for you like you're hoping," Ed said, fear and anger warring with each other and almost choking out his voice as he struggled to heard over the rain. "I've seen this played out before, it won't-"

"Spare me," Keller interrupted, grin never faltering. "I know _exactly_ what I'm doing. I've been planning this for longer than you can imagine, _Fullmetal_. This city is just the start. The fuel and the _bait_ I needed to give The Gate exactly what it really wants.

 _"_ _You."_

And then the world disappeared in a wash of familiar white light.

Nonononono this was _not_ happening!

Ed's fists clenched in helpless fury and fear as up became down and the very molecules of his body seemed to pull apart and reconnect. He knew what was waiting for him when he opened his eyes yet he kept them tightly clenched in a childish attempt at wishing it away.

It was for naught though because when he finally pried his eyes open the expanse of white still awaited him.

"We meet again."

Ed froze at that voice – one that haunted his memories and nightmares. Turning slowly he met the featureless face of Truth.

"Still, wearing my leg, I see."

"You mean my leg," it grinned.

"Bastard."

Truth grinned so widely it made Ed shudder.

"You always were the most entertaining."

"I didn't ask to be here," he blurted even though the memory of Mustang's sightless eyes told him that didn't matter one fucking bit.

"I'm aware. You are the sacrifice not the aggressor. This time, at least."

"Idiot Keller thinks I'm worth something to you," Ed snorted with false bravado.

"And you don't think you're worth anything? Because you gave up your alchemy? A soul is a soul, a body is a body. You think yours is worthless? You've been here more than any other alchemist in history. The amount of knowledge stored in your feeble human mind is actually quite impressive."

Around him them the light took on a sickly reddish tinge, the air humming in a maddening way. The endless expanse started filling with transmutation circles – mirror images of the circles he knew that bastard had set up around the city.

They'd all been activated.

Even though he knew he didn't technically need breathe on this plane, his chest still felt tight and panicky. It was happening too fast! Plan B had to happen now, but he wasn't as confident in his theory now that he was faced with actually putting into action. He wasn't positive that it would even work at all let alone with so little preparation and in this place. He'd underestimated that fucker Keller and now all the people of Palyo would play the price. And from what'd he'd said, they were just the beginning. Al, Winry, Granny, Mustang, Hawkeye, Armstrong, Gracia – an endless parade of faces flowed through his mind, reminding him that he _couldn't_ fail here.

"You _can't_ give him what he wants," he whispered, knowing it was in vain, but trying anyway.

"Has it been so long that you've forgotten the laws of equivalent exchange? I've received payment – for that I must give something in return."

"You can't reward him for killing people!" Edward yelled in frustration.

"It is not my place to judge intentions, only exchanges," Truth said flatly, all trace of its grin gone.

"You have to know this is wrong!"

"I am Truth. Do not presume to tell me what I _know_. What about what _humans_ must know? What of their ethics and morals and sins? Is it not _their_ job to know these things are 'wrong'? Yet they come before me again and again. Always wanting and upset when they must _give_."

Ed turned away. He couldn't say much. True he'd been just a child, but he'd still been arrogant and greedy. And _stupid_ \- a stupidity that still whispered at him deep down.

"So you'll just take me and all the people in this town and give that fucker whatever he's asking for?"

"You would like me to ignore the laws of equivalent exchange? To make decision based on 'right and wrong' instead of balance?"

"Yes," Ed said, his voice bordering on pleading

"'Right' is relative, Edward Elric. You of all people should know that. You thought you were 'right' to try and bring your mother back. Shou Tucker thought he was 'right' to do anything necessary to retain his State certification. Von Hoenhiem thought he was 'right' to interact with the Dwarf in the Flask. The King of Xerxes thought he was 'right' to seek immortality at any cost. Everyone who has ever done anything that you would consider terrible had thought of themselves as 'right'."

Ed sighed, the feeling of defeat and inevitability crushing him as he looked around again. The arrays were glowing more brightly and the translucent figures of the city were coming into writhing fruition around him.

The terrified face of the woman that ran the diner by the train station (she'd given him a free piece of pie because he looked "too thin for someone so handsome") stared back at him from an array filled with others.

The homeless man that Ed brought coffee and a pastry to each morning he'd been in Palyo huddled on the edge of another eyes clenched shut and hands over his ears.

The little boy that he'd saved from the river that reminded him of Al clung to his mother's leg in the distance.

It went on and on. All the familiar faces he'd seen during his short time in the city twisted in agony and fear.

He closed his eyes and focused on all of them.

If there was a real God out there, he hoped he'd forgive him for what he was about to do. If all there was was this smirking know-it-all bastard in front of him though… well, he could go fuck himself.

His hands came together slowly in a familiar way, causing Truth to give a very human sounding snort of amusement.

"Wish as much as you like, that gate is-"

The sound that erupted behind him when his hands touched was hideous, like muscle and bone ripping and breaking, layered on top of the collective ghostly gasps of the souls around him as he concentrated on the theoretical lines and arcs in his mind and reached out to those around him and _pulled_.

"What are you- STOP!"

The fear and panic from Truth was so surprising and _frightening_ in that moment that Ed almost _did_ stop. But he caught himself in time – if he stopped now, half finished, they'd all be done for. Not only would Keller win, but Ed knew the Truth knew what he was doing now - if he stopped before he was finished that thing would make him pay in ways he couldn't even fathom, he was sure.

He found the connections he was looking for, yanked and tied and bound while ignoring the screeching around him. The air was heavy and crackling, the gasps of shock and pain of the people deafening, but mostly all Ed felt was _power_.

This was dangerous, too much for a human, he _knew_ that, but he kept pulling, connecting. Finally, light headed and feeling too _full,_ he turned, even though every fiber of his being was telling him not to look at the abomination he'd just created.

The gate was back.

 _His_ gate. But still _not_ …

It was massive. His old gate had been no slouch, but this thing dwarfed it. He could see the familiar markings from his own gate, faded and overlaid by thousands more. Curves and arcs and unknown languages spread over blackened stone. Cracks and crumbled pieces breaking the pattern here and there showed that while the theory had indeed been sound it wasn't without flaws.

"Wh-what is this?" The Truth sounded young and _scared_ right then. And that, more than anything, frightened Ed.

Because the real truth was, that he wasn't quite sure…


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

 _Two years later_

A harsh gust of wind had Ed nestling down further in his worn coat. The promise of spring was in the air, but winter wasn't quite ready to loosen its grip on Central just yet. The city itself looked much the same as he remembered it - some of the shops had changed, buildings had been painted, but it was still a familiar place to Ed as he wandered the streets for the first time in… Hell, probably close to five years now.

He had paused to give a fond look to an alley where he'd argued with Al about a dumpster kitten when a familiar face blocked his view for a second. Watchful eyes didn't miss him, but skimmed over him before ticking on to something new. Ed felt the corner of his mouth twitch up.

 _Wait for it…_

Three, two-

Brown eyes snapped back to him, wide and surprised.

"Edward…"

"Hawkeye. Long time no see," he said with a little wave.

She continued to stare and he swallowed self-consciously. He knew he was looking a little worn around the edges lately… maybe coming here had been a mistake. Scratch that, he _knew_ coming here was a mistake. But he was desperate.

"You're taller," she said finally.

He smirked, the feeling of superiority over that scant inch of height he had on her brightening his dark mood more than it probably should have.

"Yeah, with Al feeding his own damn body again I finally started growing," he said.

She shifted her brown grocery bag slightly and walked closer – sharp eyes searching him for… What, he didn't know, but it made him uncomfortable just the same. There wasn't much good to find in him these days…

"I was going to drop these off and get something to eat. Care to join me?"

Her eyes were too probing for it to be a completely innocent offer, but Ed gave a shrug and a nod anyway, falling in step beside her. Hawkeye was a safe companion at least - he didn't have to worry about _her_ suddenly activating an array…

As they came to the end of the street he stopped their forward motion and stared at the spot where Central Command used to be.

"Well, that's different…"

The high walls surrounding it had been torn down and the moat was gone. Instead the grounds had changed into what looked like a public park - kids were running around laughing, dogs playing fetch, couples eating on picnic blankets. The original imposing building was different as well, replaced with something long low and far less pretentious than its predecessor.

"It houses the Parliament as well as military command now," Hawkeye said. "With the move to democracy it was decided something a little less imperious would be a good symbol of the change."

"It works," Ed nodded, liking the change. "It definitely looks more like a place 'for the people' now than it did before."

Hawkeye gave a small smile. "You may not want to tell _him_ that when you see him. He helped plan the design with some alchemical architects and was unbearable for months afterwards over the successful reception by the people."

Ed's breath hitched a little and his shoulders tightened. He wasn't ready to think about that yet…

"How have your travels been?" Hawkeye asked. He had no doubt she noticed his reaction, but appreciated the fact she didn't poke at it.

"Pretty good," he nodded.

Grom had done well in his term as Fuhrer, stabilizing border relations and offering a time of peace the country hadn't ever had before. It was his and Mustang's work that had allowed Ed the freedom to travel as he had. Not that he hadn't run into those that discriminated against Amestrians, but as least he could legally cross borders (not that that would've stopped him anyway…). It would take a long time for the reputation of war hungry barbarians Bradley had given them to disappear though, if ever.

"Run into any problems being from Amestris?" She asked seeming to read his mind. "We get reports from soldiers, but that's not the same as firsthand knowledge from a civilian."

"Some, but it was a lot worse a few years ago. It gets better all the time," he shot an amused glance at her. "Something else I should avoid telling that bastard when I see him?"

He was proud of himself for not tensing as he made the comment. He wasn't ready to see Mustang yet, but damn it he could talk about him without being a fucking baby about it.

Hawkeye gave him a smile and shook her head slightly. "Border relations are actually a safe topic. He could probably use a little good political news. The steps into Democracy haven't exactly been a cake walk…"

Ed gave a snort at what he was sure was an extreme understatement. He tried to keep up on the news while he was gone but information was few and far between, and usually months late. A couple years ago Grom had stepped down, handing the reins to Mustang. He'd heard about it not long after his fateful meeting in Palyo with Truth, but the information was already out of date, making him feel like a huge ass for not having been there to congratulate the bastard (and pay him back that 520 cens).

He'd be willing to bet that was when Central Command had started this transformation, as well as the governing body itself. The first parliament was shiny and new, only in place for the last few months, working together with the leaders of the military to attempt a "seamless transition".

"Is he going grey yet?" He asked.

Hawkeye gave a laugh that surprised him. "He wonders the same thing every day. But no, not yet anyway."

The thought of seeing Mustang again gave him both a thrill of excitement and a sharp tugging of dread deep in his gut. It was a similar feeling he got when he thought of seeing Al, though the ratios were flipped – more dread with Al than Mustang. They were both too damn perceptive for their own good, they'd know immediately that something wasn't quite right. That was why he'd come though, he needed help and he couldn't tell Al…

But Mustang was busy building a new country… He didn't have time to-

"Here we are," Hawkeye said, climbing a few steps to a little brownstone and pulling her keys from her pocket.

Seeing her juggle the bag to her other arm, Ed suddenly felt like a jackass.

"Shit, I'm sorry," he said, climbing a step and reaching forward, taking the bag from her. "I should've offered to carry that for you."

"It was actually refreshing that you didn't," she said, relinquishing it with a flat look.

Ed huffed out a laugh – of course Hawkeye would think better of him for _not_ offering any help…

As he started climbing the last two steps after her, he suddenly realized what else he'd been an idiot about. If this was Hawkeye's home then did it mean that-

His body went bowstring tight and he froze on the top step, not daring to enter the home with the sudden realization of who _else_ might live there. Hawkeye stopped and turned to him, her look of confusion morphing into concern as she saw him frozen before the entryway.

"Does- Do you live here with-"

Though she still looked worried and more than a little confused, comprehension dawned and she shook her head slightly.

"He doesn't live here," she said. "We tried… after everything calmed down. It just- we just didn't…"

Her voice faded off and he felt bad for making the usually solid Hawkeye stumble over her words in the same way he had. He swallowed hard, dropping his eyes that suddenly felt gritty and hot, and moved forward. She didn't say anything else, and he was grateful. He wasn't sure he could speak right then, let alone explain why he was such a nut job that the fact that the man he came to town to see wasn't there gave him such a profound sense of relief. And how much of an asshole he was for the fact-

His mind skittered away from finishing that thought.

He followed her through a short hallway into the kitchen, still holding her bag of groceries a little too tightly.

"We got a letter from Alphonse last week," she said, putting her purse on the kitchen table and unbuttoning her coat. "He seems to be doing well."

Ed felt some of the tension leak out of him at the mention of his brother's wellbeing (which he was sure was her intention).

He nodded as he relinquished the death grip on the bag and sat it on the counter. "He is. All those years of travel kind of had opposite effects on us."

While it didn't take long for Ed (and everyone else) to realize that the life of a small town wasn't ever going to be suited to him again, Al was as happy there as Ed had ever seen him. He'd found peace in Risembool.

"You couldn't stand sitting still and that's all he wanted?" She asked, with a quirked half smile.

"Pretty much. The longer I was there the more itchy I got," or the more _bitchy_ he got, according to Winry. "All I could think of was getting out and all Al wanted was to stay put."

"I can understand both sides of that," she said, sliding by him to pull the groceries from the bag as he backed out of her way and leaned against the doorframe. "Must've been tough though. You two were pretty much inseparable for so long…"

"It was," he conceded. "Al was really worried. You know, because I didn't have my alchemy anymore…"

He'd never admit to his little brother how close he'd come to losing his life a few times because of that lack, but he'd done okay for himself.

"He's not the only one," Hawkeye said, pausing in her pursuit of space in the small pantry to give him a poignant look.

"Hey, I check in," Ed said defensively.

"Yes, the postcards were… interesting," Hawkeye said with a small smile, startling Ed.

"You saw those?"

"Of course," she said, looking surprised. "He kept them all. They're on a board in the office."

Ed felt his face flush and gave a shrug. "Couldn't always find a phone and the cards were cheap."

A little bit of an understatement, but still the truth. He'd been sick of getting an earful from Al on the rare occasion that he'd called – always bitching about how it'd been too long and Al thought he was dead, blah, blah, blah. The postcards were the best way he'd found to reassure his little brother more often. Money was always low without the military paying his way anymore and his travels didn't always take him close to a working phone that could be used for free, but everyone had a post office and mail was cheap to send. Even if some of the tiny places didn't offer premade postcards ("Son, why would anyone want to say they'd visited _this_?") Ed would just sketch out his own picture of something from the area that stood out to him on some scrap paper, scribble a "Greetings from _" on the front and send it off, knowing his brother would get a kick out of it just the same.

Then, much like he did with most things in life, Mustang had to finagle his way into getting something, too. It started the day he'd seen the bastard's smug face on the cover of a paper declaring the opening of the boarders and successful peace treaties with the neighboring nations. Since it made his travels a lot easier he thought the least he could do was send a card, so he'd stopped at a border town before heading into Creta for the first time and sent him a postcard saying "Thanks, bastard. Was getting bored with Amestris."

Al hadn't been amused the next time he'd been able to call. He squeaked about getting a call from Mustang wanting to know just what the hell Ed was up to (apparently he'd thought he was in Risembool the whole time) and was just as whiney about the thought of Ed wandering around without his alchemy as Al had been. What was it with these fuckers? Did he seem like he was dainty and weak? That he'd never had a fight without using alchemy? Maybe that bastard was that stupid, but Al knew that wasn't how their teacher had trained them so what was his excuse?

Ed had an array of new scars from his travels, proving their worry wasn't for nothing, but he'd be damned if he ever told them that. He just kept sending his little postcards – "Greetings from _" with the subtext of "I'm fine, still alive and all". When Al had told him of the fit Mustang had had, he'd kept sending them to him as well, just for the hell of it and because it gave him a sort of personal satisfaction to know he'd gotten under the bastard's skin. And if there was another, more secret reason that he steadily ignored, well, it was what it was.

"They were nice," Hawkeye said, making him scowl and look away.

He ignored the part of him that was pleased Mustang hadn't just balled them up and thrown them in the trash – which was honestly what he'd expected.

He'd gotten pretty damn good at ignoring things he didn't want to think about over the last few years, he realized. Then he ignored that as well.

* * *

Riza pulled up in front of Roy's home a little later than usual the next morning. Three minutes later, to be exact. She wasn't surprised to see him already striding down the steps before she'd even fully stopped.

"Everything all right?" He asked, sliding into the back seat.

"Fine, sir," she said answered, already pulling away. "Overslept a little is all."

"Late night?"

The smirk was real, but it was dangerously close to being awkward. They'd stopped dating quite a while ago, but for two people who'd spent so much time loving each other apart, it had been a hard pill to swallow that that's the only way they worked. Apart. Their friendship was as rock solid as ever, it was just the fact that they were former lovers they were stumbling with a little.

"Later than usual, yes," she said, waiting until they stopped at an intersection to drop the bomb so she could look at his face when she did so. "I ran into Edward yesterday, we had dinner."

She wasn't disappointed. Her poker face was seriously tested as Roy's went through a multitude of expressions in a scant few seconds. While she'd seen more expressions from him than most did, it was still a rare occurrence to catch him so completely off guard. Surprise was prevalent, but she could see a dash of something disgruntled - jealously maybe? Interesting… But jealous of whom?

"Elric?" He asked, brows raised. "What's he in Central for?"

"My guess would be to see you, sir."

"Then why is he having dinner with you instead of me?"

Roy looked like he wished for nothing more than to suck those words back in, letting Riza know just how off guard the arrival of Edward had actually taken him.

"Careful, you're starting to sound jealous," she said, keeping her face straight with a little more effort than usual.

"We've talked about this. Who you wish to see is none of my-"

"I wasn't talking about me, sir."

There was a beat of silence where she didn't dare look at him though he could feel his eyes burning a hole in her just the same.

"I don't think I appreciate what you're implying, Riza," his voice was low.

"No, Roy, I don't think you appreciate it at all," she said parking the car and glancing at him before getting out of the car. "But maybe you will soon."

As the day went on, Roy was quiet and Riza wondered if she was a little evil to be getting such enjoyment out of the situation. She knew he wanted to know about Edward but asking would only lend credence to her early observation.

After a meeting where she was sure he was going to break out his gloves, she finally gave in. Not because she wasn't having fun torturing Roy or because she thought she'd drawn it out long enough, but instead for Edward. She knew if she didn't talk to Roy about him he'd just go get the answers he wanted himself from the source. And from the way Edward had acted he definitely wasn't ready to open the door to his hotel room and find the Flame Alchemist on the other side – especially in this sort of mood.

She'd just opened her mouth to finally offer up some information when Roy beat her to it.

"How's he doing?" He asked, sounding tired and making guilt prickle at her.

"Not too well, I think," she answered truthfully after a beat.

Roy gave her a sharp look as they continued down the hall toward his office. "Is he having problems at the borders? Or hostility from the other nations?"

"No, he actually wanted me to tell you that border relations were going well. And that while he did run into some anti-Amestrian sentiments from time to time, it was getting better."

"Well, that's good to hear at least," he said blowing out a heavy breath and striding into the office. "What's the problem then?"

"I honestly don't know, sir," she answered, brow furrowing. "He doesn't look well, but that's to be expected I suppose, given the nature of his travels-"

"And that nature is what exactly?" Roy asked striding behind his desk and slipping into the seat with weary gratitude. "I never quite understood what exactly he was looking for out there. Alphonse didn't seem to have any real insight into it either. Just that he thought his brother would go crazy if he stayed there…"

"I'm not sure Edward himself really knew, sir," Riza said with a shrug. "I think he'd just seen so much that sitting in that small town where nothing ever happened was something he couldn't cope with any longer."

"I suppose I can understand that," he said softly, turning his chair slightly to glance out the window behind him. "The quiet gets to be too much sometimes…"

Part of her wanted to go to him, to try and erase that haunted look in his eyes she knew was there even though his back was to her. But that wasn't her place any more. And it hadn't worked even when it had been, so she said something to draw his attention away from it instead.

"He's been bounty hunting."

The chair spun back around quickly, as she knew it would. Roy's eyebrows went from disappearing into his hair to an angry V in a split second.

"He's been _what?_ "

"Really, it's almost the same as when was with the military. He just gets paid by local authorities now instead of having access to his research account."

"Still the People's Alchemist even though he's not an alchemist anymore?" Roy asked, his smirk in place but Riza could tell he didn't like this new piece of information at all.

"I'm sure he'd help them for free anyway," she said. "It's kind of his wheelhouse."

Roy barked out a laugh that was a little too sharp. "That it is. Helping people at the risk of his own hide is definitely Full- Edward's 'wheelhouse'."

"I meant picking fights, but we'll go with helping people," she said, giving Roy a smirk she was sure she'd picked up over the years from being around him too much.

He smiled back but only for a second. "You said you didn't think he was doing well…"

She paused, trying to figure out how to phrase what she'd observed that wouldn't have Roy running off half-cocked to demand answers. But she didn't want Roy to be surprised when Edward finally did seek him out either – he didn't like being caught off guard, and that combined with worry and Ed's temper and odd behavior… That wouldn't end well, she was sure.

What had mainly taken _her_ off guard was his resemblance to the thing who'd called himself "Father" during the fight at Central Command. But Roy hadn't had his eyesight at the time, so that wouldn't matter to him.

"Riza," Roy interrupted her thoughts, making her realize she'd been quiet too long. "What is it?"

"Something's not right with him, sir," she said, looking into Roy's concerned eyes and letting her own worry shine through a bit. "He's thin and skittish and – something's wrong."

Roy's lips thinned as his jaw clenched before he forced out a tight breath and leaned back in his chair.

"You said you thought he was here in Central to see me?"

She nodded. "He is, I'm sure. But at the same time he looked like he was ready to bolt every time your name was mentioned."

"Was my name mentioned a lot?"

She rolled her eyes. Even in the midst of a serious conversation like this Roy's ego couldn't help but preen a little under the attention.

"Don't seek him out," she warned with serious eyes. "He'll run if you show up before he's ready to tell you why he's here. I'm sure of it."

Roy's eyes narrowed, making her sure that was exactly what he'd planned on doing tonight.

"There's something else," she said, not really wanting to add fuel to the fire but feeling it was important just the same. "Edward said something odd when we were talking about Alphonse and when Ed left Risembool. He said 'Al was worried because I didn't have my alchemy any more'."

Surprise widened Roy's eyes. "' _Didn't_ ' not ' _don't'_?"

"Exactly, sir."


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Ed stood at the window, his hunched reflection glaring back at him. It was pouring outside, making the bright room reflect back at him more than showing the sheets of rain pounding the dark street in front of the hotel. He hadn't ventured out of his room much after his run-in with Hawkeye - the random meeting making him more cautious about any _other_ possible random meetings that might happen if he just wandered around.

He was surprised the bastard hadn't barged in his room like he owned the damn place yet. Either Hawkeye hadn't told him about seeing him, which was really unlikely, or she'd threatened to shoot him if he searched Ed out, which was much more likely. He wasn't sure how much longer Mustang's patience would hold out if the latter was the case though. He needed to get his shit together, figure out how exactly he was going to explain this mess...

With a sigh he left the window and clicked off the lights, the glare was giving him a headache. He dragged a chair back with him and resumed his place, viewing the world like an outsider. The lights of Central begged him to come out and see what had changed since he'd been gone, even in the pouring rain, but there he sat for another night, worry and dread gluing him to the room. He rubbed roughly at his face, fingers pressing against burning lids hard enough to make spots dance across his vision when he stopped.

That was why he didn't see the familiar black military car until after it was sitting idle in front of entrance to his hotel.

He stood so quickly that the chair fell backwards, bouncing against the bed softly before clattering to the floor. Was it Hawkeye? Or Mustang? Or someone else? He hadn't told her where he was staying but that didn't mean it was exactly a secret - it would be ridiculously simple for someone that really wanted to find him to do so. Damn it, he should've been more careful! Covered his tracks better!

He had to get out.

The bag by the foot of the bed was packed and ready to go at a moment's notice - all he had to do was snatch it off the floor on the way to the door. He knew as soon as he gripped the handle that he was too late, though. Some sixth sense telling him what was already waiting on the other side of the door, but still he couldn't stop himself from pulling it open.

Dark, inscrutable eyes stared into his own, glittering slightly in the harsh lights of the hallway.

"Going somewhere, Fullmetal?"

Brows twitched down as he studied him. Edward's breath, which had caught in his chest, hitched with an attempt to release it as panic gripped him.

He was wearing his gloves.

Ed took a shaky step back, his eyes darting to the window. He was on the third floor – it wouldn't be pretty or painless landing, but he'd survive. He'd have to send some money back for the broken window though…

"Edward."

He flinched, he couldn't help it. His eyes darted back to Mustang as he took another step back from the door.

Mustang didn't move from the hall though – made no attempt to come in the open door. It made Ed feel a tiny bit better, but he couldn't back away any more or he wouldn't be able to get up enough momentum to break through the glass.

"I'll go."

The words shocked Ed away from the window that he hadn't even realized he was eyeing again. Mustang had actually backed up so he was further out in the hall and his gloved hands were stuffed in his pockets. Ed felt himself breathe a little easier without those arrays staring at him.

"Hawkeye told me you wouldn't appreciate me showing up, but after three days I was wondering if you were even still here. She'll probably shoot me when she finds out I came…"

The last part was mumbled and Ed felt another knot tension loosen some.

"I was on my way to dinner and just wanted to see if you'd care to come along. My mistake. Come see me when you're ready."

Shocked at the turn of events, Ed watched with his mouth hanging open while Mustang left his sight and disappeared down the hall. Having his personal space restored and the option of freedom offered cleared Ed's head some as he moved into the hall to see Mustang reaching the stairs.

"W-wait!"

He bit his tongue so hard he tasted blood and was half relieved and half horrified to see the other man stop on the top stair and tilt his head back in his direction. Mustang didn't say anything though, just waited.

When had the bastard gotten so patient and fucking _reasonable_?

 _And when did I turn into such a cowardly fucker? Seeing him is the whole reason I came here…_

"Dinner would be okay, I guess," he forced out, straightening out his shoulders but not feeling hungry in the least.

Mustang glanced back at him and gave a nod. "I'll be in the car. Come down when you're ready."

He started down the stairs again and even though it would invite more curiosity and questions than he was quite ready to face, Ed forced himself to call out again.

"Mustang!" Seeing him pause again, he swallowed hard and continued. "Can you- Can you not wear the gloves?"

That caught him off guard, Ed could see, and he turned from a few steps down to look at him fully. Even though he was a good thirty feet away, Ed could read the question and suspicion on his face.

 _Just fucking say it!_ He growled to himself. _You can't go anywhere with him without warning him!_

"No alchemy. You can't- Promise me, Bastard. No alchemy."

Mustang stared at him so long Ed thought he might just come back up the stairs and force him to tell him what was going on right then. His eyes darted through the open door to his room at the window again.

"Fine."

Mustang's voice snapped his attention back and Ed watched as the man deliberately pulled each glove off, finger by finger, and tucked them in his coat pocket.

"I'll leave them in the car when we get to the restaurant," he said, starting back down the stairs. "I'm hungry, so don't take too long, Fullmetal."

The irritation the last bit was delivered in made Ed actually quirk a smile as he felt a little of the regathered tension disperse. He went back into the room and shut the door softly behind him before collapsing against it and sliding to the floor. He felt exhausted. How would he ever be able to explain any of this? He honestly wasn't sure that he could. But, if he couldn't, then at least he'd get to have dinner with Mustang before the end.

* * *

Rain drummed against the windshield as Roy stared straight through it without really seeing anything. He was actually glad Edward was taking a few minutes – he needed a few minutes himself…

This… wasn't what he'd been expecting.

At all.

Fullmetal had been ready to jump through the goddamned window!

Roy still couldn't quite believe that, but knew that's exactly what he'd witnessed. Edward had seriously been contemplating jumping through a glass window just to get away from him.

What the hell had he gotten himself into?

He'd heard Riza's warning that Ed was skittish, but not… not like _this_. He honestly looked like he was expecting to get attacked any second. And he'd noted that she thought he was thin (that's why he'd chosen dinner when his patience had finally worn out), but he was more than just thin. He looked… _broken_.

Edward had definitely grown in the many years it'd been since they'd seen each other – he looked like he'd be just short of Roy's own height when (or if) he ever got close enough to really compare. The childish features that had been just starting to turn into adulthood the last time he'd seen him had sharpened to pleasant lean angles. He'd be a stunning man if he weren't so damned thin and didn't look like he hadn't seen sleep in a year.

Did it have something to do with the bounty hunting? It was a dangerous job, but Ed was a dangerous kid, so it wasn't a stretch to imagine him as being an even more dangerous adult – even without his alchemy. And what was with the sudden alchemy phobia? Was it all alchemy? Just flame alchemy? Some fire trauma?

Roy took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting his forehead rest on the steering wheel for a moment in the privacy of the car and the sheets of rain. What if he didn't show up? What if he'd slipped out the back? What if he wouldn't tell Roy what was wrong? And, worst of all, what if it was something Roy couldn't help with?

Opening his eyes, he straightened in his seat. If he ran, he'd find him. If he wouldn't talk, he'd make him. And if he couldn't help… He'd help anyway.

The door opened and the lithe, damp figure of Edward slid into the car beside him. Still drawn up with so much tension Roy was surprised he could move, but he seemed to have fortified himself. His gaze was steady when he looked over at Roy, not darting around nervously, and he wasn't shrinking away from the proximity. He gave Roy a nod as if to confirm that he was good now, that he wouldn't dive out of the moving car or anything so drastic to make an escape. Roy gave a nod back and pulled away from the curb.

The silence in the car was heavy, but Roy found himself in the rare situation of being unsure what to say, or if he should say anything at all. He'd had this all laid out before he'd arrived – been so confident in his plan to find out what was going on with Edward – but all that had flown out the window when he actually saw him. He needed to regroup, come up with a new strategy…

"What's it like?" Edward's voice surprised him, barely audible over the engine and rain. "You finally got everything you wanted just to give it away. How's that feel?"

"Playing the psychologist, Fullmetal?" He asked with a smirk, only to see that Edward was looking away from him out the passenger side window. "It was always supposed to be like this. Short and sweet."

The S-word didn't get so much of a twitch out of him, much to Roy's disappointment.

"It's all you worked toward for so long, though. What happens next?"

It was a thought that kept Roy up at night, actually. Not that he'd admit that to Fullmetal.

"There will always be a military to run, even if the country has been handed over to the people instead of having one person in charge."

Edward gave him a look that told him he saw through that line of bullshit too well.

"Is that why you left Risembool? Looking for what was 'next'?"

Edward gave a bitter laugh as they stopped in front of the restaurant. Before he could answer, if he intended to at all, the valet opened the door.

"Good evening, sir. We're very glad you could join us."

When another valet opened Edward's door he flinched further into the depths of the car, arm brushing Roy's, which made him jerk forward then just lock down. Stiff and still, Roy was certain he'd even stopped breathing.

Roy wasn't sure if it was going to make things worse or better, but he reached over in front of Edward and opened the glove compartment before pulling his gloves from his coat pocket and setting them inside. The compartment closed with a click.

"No alchemy tonight, I promise," he said lowly so the patiently waiting valets couldn't overhear. "There's no one in this restaurant but staff. They don't open until next week but offered me a preview. It's safe here."

Roy wasn't sure if the last bit should've been said or not, but it came out on its own as he looked into Edward's overly wide gold eyes. It seemed he chose correctly though, because Edward looked away and after a second slid out of the car under the waiting umbrella.

Or maybe he just wanted to get away from Roy. Either way it got him out of the car, so he supposed he could count that as a win.

The inside was just as empty as Roy had promised. A chatty manager met them at the door and took their coats, telling him how glad he was Roy had decided to take them up on the offer. He was a little worried when they sat and it turned out the chatty manager was also going to be serving them – he'd never get any information from Edward with the man buzzing around them – but after giving them their menus and some recommendations he flitted off out of sight leaving them in the large empty dining room by themselves with only some light music and the distant sounds of the kitchen.

"Pretty fancy, bastard. Surprised you didn't save this outing for one of your dates," Edward said, previous edginess tucked away as he looked around in interest.

Most would say that with self-consciousness in Edward's shoes – his dark shirt and pants weren't dirty or ragged, but were obviously well used and not exactly the attire for a place like this – but Edward didn't seem to care. That actually made Roy feel a little more at ease, seeing some of that confidence he'd always associated with the other make an appearance. An odd juxtaposition to his new behavior to be sure…

"Women like to be seen," Roy shrugged, pursuing his menu. "Seen in their new dress or new hair style; seen in the newest restaurant-"

"Seen with the new Fuhrer," Edward threw in.

"That, too," Roy agreed easily.

"Sounds like you're picking the wrong women."

"Well, I picked one that was right and that still didn't work, so might as well go for the wrong ones now."

He didn't mean that to come out as bitter as it did and kept his eyes on the menu instead of Fullmetal.

"Sorry about that," Edward said and Roy was unsure if he meant bringing up the topic or about Riza. "I guess I kind of always figured the two of you would end up with some kind of 'happily ever after'."

"Somehow I think we did, too," Roy sighed, not sure why he was offering so much up but feeling it was right anyway. "It was like working on puzzle where it takes a long time to fit the pieces together, but they click together so perfectly when you do. Then you finally finish only to realize there are still parts missing and the picture won't ever be whole."

"Or it was whole but just not the picture you thought you wanted…"

Edward's soft voice was filled with so much gravity that Roy finally looked up at him, only to find that he'd taken a page from Roy's book and had ducked behind the menu.

"Never took you for the puzzle type," Edward said after a few beats of uncomfortable silence.

"I prefer chess," he admitted, eagerly moving on to a new topic. "But I try to get to the veterans' home once a week and puzzles are much easier than strategy at their age."

"What do they think of all this democracy stuff?"

"They hate it," he said, giving Ed a smile over the top of his menu. "But I think the best part of their week is telling me that and letting me know how huge of an idiot I am."

Ed barked out a surprised laugh, much to Roy's pleasure.

"Good for them," Ed chuckled. "Someone needs to keep your ass humble."

"That was your job," he smirked back, before he realized what he'd said.

It not only brought up Edward's absence over the years but they'd also seen a little too much together for that to come off as lighthearted as he'd meant it. Both their smiles melted away. Luckily the manager chose that moment to return for their orders, gratefully interrupting the pensive silence.

After ordering they both sat back and studied each other without the crutch of the menus. In the softer lighting of the restaurant Edward didn't look as hollowed out as he had under the unforgiving lights in the hotel. But while the new lighting offered less emphasis on his lack of weight and sleep, it seemed to make other things stand out more without that distraction. The longer length of his ponytail was noted along with the width of his shoulders, but mostly what jumped out at Roy were the new scars.

It was obvious that Edward traveled a lot in the sun, his skin a warm tan that complemented his hair and eyes nicely. But it also made the slightly paler scars stand out more. One arced up from his brow bone and disappeared under his hair, the beginning of it dangerously close to his eye. Another followed the line of his jaw bone and another peeked up through the collar of his shirt following the line of his throat.

"Looks like you haven't aged a day, bastard," Edward said, obviously giving Roy the same scrutiny he was receiving. "You sure you didn't make some kind of deal with the devil?"

The words were joking and Roy appreciated the compliment, but the phrasing made both of them cringe.

"You've aged enough for both of us," he answered.

Edward gave a dry chuckle. "Yeah, I suppose I have."

"Alphonse sounds like he's doing well," he said, bring up a topic that was usually the key to getting Edward to relax a little.

He wasn't disappointed – a soft smile replaced Edward's cynical one and he leaned back in his chair.

"Yeah, I think he is. Fixing houses and farm equipment, delivering baby goats, teaching alchemy to some local brats… All kinds of random small town crap, but he seems to love it."

"Doesn't sound so bad," Roy said with a soft smile as he imagined it.

"Maybe for about five minutes," Ed snorted. "Fixing plows and explaining alchemical theory to eight year olds for the rest of my life sounds like a level in hell."

Roy couldn't help but laugh. "I suppose I can understand that. What about Miss Rockbell? I thought you'd walk through the fires of hell for her, so fixing some farm equipment and delivering baby animals seems like you'd get off pretty easy."

The smile Ed gave him was sad and made him wish he'd kept his mouth shut despite his curiosity.

"Well, you said it best, bastard. You get all the pieces together and somehow something is still missing," he shrugged. "Maybe we're both too quick to temper for it to ever have worked anyway. Al seems to balance her more."

Roy's brows shot up in surprise. "Al and Miss Rockbell? They're…"

"Yep," he nodded, leaning back further in his chair and looking at the ceiling. "He was so nervous telling me. Took him forever to get it out – I had to yell at him because my cens were low and the connection was going to cut off. Like I wouldn't be happy for them…"

While his smile was genuine, Roy could see sadness in it, too. Time for a subject change. Again. They were going to run out of things to talk about before the food even got there the way they kept having to dodge conversational landmines…

"Alphonse told me you were doing a lot of theoretical work?" He said, testing if alchemy would be safe or be the worst topic they could approach.

Ed's sad smile didn't budge as he shrugged. "Well, when theory is all you can work with you get pretty good at it."

Roy knew that was an understatement – and a rather large one at that. Alphonse had told him that the things his brother had started coming up with were beyond amazing, that Al had even had a hard time following along the more he'd worked, until finally, right before he'd left Risembool, Edward's work had been so advanced that Alphonse had no idea what he was looking at any more. He'd told Roy wonderingly that it was like stories he'd heard of people who lost a sense – the other senses got stronger to compensate. It was like the loss of the ability to _use_ alchemy had increased his ability to _think_ alchemy. Alphonse had admitted to Roy in confidence that that was why he hadn't had more of problem with his brother's desire to travel – he thought that stuck there in that little town with nothing but his brain to distract him would drive him mad eventually.

"Anything interesting a novice like me could follow along with?"

"You're hardly a novice," Edward snorted, sitting up straight and glancing toward the kitchen. "And… that's kind of why I came to Central, actually. I need another set of eyes on this, another perspective…"

"On what exactly?" Roy asked, keeping himself from leaning forward in anticipation as they finally got to the root of what the hell was going on with Edward.

Just as Edward took s breath to continue the door from the kitchen swung open and the manager appeared carrying their plates. Roy swallowed down a curse and forced himself not to wave off the food for another five minutes. He didn't want Edward to lose his nerve but he didn't want to seem overly interested – he was sure it was their calm banter that had eased him into sharing in the first place.

Edward's mouth shut with a click and Roy gave him an apologetic smile. He could see him locking down again already. Not good, he had to keep him relaxed.

"Sorry, Fullmetal, this smells so delicious I'm not sure I can concentrate on complicated theory while it's in front of me."

Edward gave a soft "che", shaking his head, but agreed. "Does smell pretty damn good."

The rest of the meal was spent mostly in silence. Roy's desire to get the information from Edward became second to making sure he ate well – something he was sure he hadn't done in a long while. He was afraid any attempt at further conversation would derail him from his dinner.

It didn't take long before the plates were clean and the manager was back asking how everything was. They both impressed how delicious everything was and then were on their way. They'd just gotten into the car and waved off the overzealous valets when Roy decided to get things back on track.

"My place isn't far, would you like to come over for some coffee?"

Edward blinked and looked over at him with disbelieving raised eyebrows. "Did you forget I'm not one of your regular dates, bastard? I'm not going home with you for 'coffee'."

Roy found himself in the rare situation of being speechless and embarrassed and opened his mouth and shut it a few times before words finally came out.

" _Actual_ coffee, Fullmetal," he growled. "That wasn't meant as an innuendo."

"I know, but you should've seen your face," he said with an evil snicker, sounding more like his old self than he had all night.

"But it's nice to know where your mind was at," Roy purred, snatching the upper hand back and cutting off Edward's laugh. "So, real coffee? Then if you want something else after…"

It was Edward's turn to gape like a fish as his cheeks lit up. "Real coffee is enough, bastard. Save that crap for your next date. The restaurant wasn't _that_ impressive."

"It was pretty damn good though," Roy said thoughtfully, thinking back on his steak with fond memories.

"Yeah, it was. Can't remember the last time I ate like that."

"No four star restaurants anywhere in your travels?" He asked curiously, guiding his car home.

"No money to eat at them," Edward said with a laugh and a shrug.

Roy scowled at that, mind turning over ways that the military could somehow fund Fullmetal's travels without requiring him to reenlist. While they were saving a lot of money without all the war mongering going on from Bradley's time, they were still spending a lot in reconstruction and aide to the area's most devastated by his rule.

"Quit worrying, you'll strain something. I do just fine. Meet a lot of nice people. Most of the time someone drags me home to eat with their family. It's nice, actually…"

Roy thought about that and smiled a little. "It does sound nice…"

When he was met with silence he glanced over to see Edward giving him a strange look.

"What?"

"Nothing… I just- I guess I never pictured that being something you'd enjoy. Nights out at fancy restaurants, empty or full, seem more your style."

"The grass is always greener on the other side, right?" He said with a nonchalant shrug.

"But that grass looks appealing to you? Strange people in strange countries and home cooked meals?"

Company, family, warmth… Yes, all of those things sounded appealing. Some of his best memories were dinners at the Hughes' home. Not that he'd admit any of that to Fullmetal…

"Doesn't sound _bad_ ," he offered instead, pulling around to the back of his home and parking.

"It's not. At all," Edward said, following him out of the car and up the back steps. "Every place is so different, yet… not really. It's hard to explain. But it's amazing seeing it in person, how each place has shaped the people there…"

Roy unlocked the door and stepped inside, clicking on the kitchen light.

"What's been your favorite place?"

"Aerugo has some amazing sights," Edward answered, shutting the door behind him. "But hot as fuck a lot of the time. The area by the sea is unbelievable though…"

"I can believe it," Roy said, tossing his coat on the back of a kitchen chair. "I got a postcard, remember?"

The sight on the front of the card had been unlike anything Roy had ever seen with waterfalls and cliffs and pristine beaches. He could admit he was fiercely jealous of Fullmetal's freedom at that moment.

"Oh yeah," Edward laughed slightly. "Forgot about that. Really didn't do it justice though. The feel of the sun and the spray of the ocean. The smell of the heat and the salt and the flowers. Pretty fucking amazing. Xing is really beautiful, too, though. Once you get away from the desert, anyway."

"And least favorite place?"

"Drachma," Edward said with a scowl and not a second's hesitation. "Everything – the people, the weather, the landscape – is so harsh all of the time. Not that there aren't good people there, they're just… I don't know. It's just exhausting being there. Desert is pretty shitty too though. All that nothing gets creepy after a while."

Edward leaned a hip against the counter while Roy grabbed two cups down before stopping cold, words dying in his throat as he realized what he'd been about to do.

"You usually use alchemy to make, coffee, don't you?" Edward's voice was soft as he looked at the faint arrays carved into the countertop next to the cups.

"Yes, sorry," Roy said, not sure why he was apologizing just unbelievably glad he'd stopped before he'd accidently broken his promise to Edward. "No worries, I think I still remember how to make it the old fashioned way."

His smile faded as he glanced over and saw the look on Edward's face.

"Don't apologize to me," Edward said, turning away and sliding into one of the kitchen chairs, not meeting Roy's eyes.

"What is this, Edward? What's going on?" Roy asked, sitting the coffee beans on the counter and turning. "Enough of the cryptic statements. The sooner you tell me just what the hell is wrong the sooner we can work at fixing it."

Edward's wide eyes shot up to his and then he chuckled, rubbing his face roughly.

"Leave it to you to just assume you can fix it," he mumbled through his hands.

"That's why you're here, isn't it?"

Ed gave a shrug and looked away.

"I thought maybe… there was a chance…" He said, looking out into the dark through the kitchen window. "I guess I just wanted to see you again. To tell you thanks and congratulations. And, I guess, to ask if you could watch out for Al. Stop him if he tries to do something stupid…"

Roy's breath was locked in his chest as his wide eyes studied the defeated posture of the man at his table.

He'd come here hoping for help…

But expecting death.

This was goodbye…

Roy was across the kitchen in three strides, sliding into the chair to the right of Edward so closely that his knee bumped his, drawing a startled look from him.

"Tell me."

Edward stared at him a moment, the desperation obvious in his eyes from this close. He must've known how vulnerable he seemed from that distance because he shifted his eyes out into the black of Roy's yard again.

"An alchemist in Aerugo… He must've figured out what happened here, or maybe he found some research, I'm not sure…"

Roy shook his head in confusion. "Pertaining to what, Fullmetal?"

"The Philosopher's stone. Making a transmutation circle on a grand scale to sacrifice lives."

Roy's breathing stopped and his hands, folded together on the table as he leaned toward Edward, tightened on each other to the point of pain.

"He was going to…"

Ed nodded. "He already had them scattered through the city by the time I figured out what the bastard was up to. When I got there… I was too late…I just wanted to stop him. It was just supposed to be _one time_. And it was just _theory_ , it didn't-"

Edward was getting more and more distraught as his nonsensical fragments ran together, losing Roy on whatever path he was on. Edward hunched forward over the table, palms of his hands pressed to his eyes and fingers tangling roughly in his hair.

"It's always there. Waiting and _watching_ … I can't keep this up forever, but damn it-"

Roy placed a hand on Edward's shoulder, ignoring the jump it caused and squeezed slightly.

"You've lost me, Edward. Slow down. You found out the alchemist was planning to make a large scale Philosopher's stone and then what?"

The man couldn't have been successful. Their relationship with Aerugo was still new and the other country was understandably leery of Amestris, but Roy was still sure he'd have heard of an entire city of people dying there.

"I chased him into a building," Edward went on, position the same but voice soft and tired now instead of distraught. "Stepped right into his transmutation circle like a fucking idiot…"

"What?!" Roy's hand he hadn't realized was still on Edward's shoulder tightened again.

"Bastard wanted to use me as a sacrifice," Ed gave an edgy laugh. "Like I hadn't heard that one before. Ended up in front of the Gate, talked to Truth, tried to get it to stop Keller, but well, it was as much as a fucking asshole as always."

Roy's mouth felt dry and he couldn't find any words. He remembered that _thing_ only all too well. It was forever burned into his memory. Thinking of Edward, standing before it as a sacrifice, trying to reason with it…

"But you're here. And I haven't heard any reports of large scale death in Aerugo…"

Ed shook his head. "I had a backup plan. I didn't want to- I couldn't think of anything else. I _had_ to stop him, Mustang. He said it was just the beginning, I couldn't let him-"

Edward had finally removed his hands from his face, looking at Roy in desperation.

"What did you do?" He asked softly, almost afraid to know.

Edward flinched like he'd been struck and hunched lower in his seat, the hair he'd pulled loose from its tie hiding his face.

"In Drachma, when I was fighting Kimbley, I almost died," he said quietly, both the change of subject and the revelation surprising Roy. "In order to keep from dying I used my own life force, like I was a Philosopher's stone myself. Shortened my lifespan and used the energy to heal myself enough to keep from bleeding out then and there."

He wanted to scold him for being so reckless, but the words wouldn't come out. He wasn't a child anymore and honestly wasn't really much of one then. If he felt he'd been pushed to that point-

"Is that what you did? To stop this other alchemist?" He asked almost choking on the words. How much life force would he have to exchange? How much time would he have left?

But Edward shook his head, relieving Roy until he started speaking again.

"I wasn't enough," he said, words thick. "I wasn't nearly enough. But all the other people that were there… I could see them, I could feel their energy in the air… I just grabbed onto them and pulled…"

Things were getting a little abstract for Roy's logical mind as he tried to follow Edward's thought process. He couldn't be saying he used them as a stone, that wasn't Edward's style – to save many in the grand scheme by killing a few. Still, he wasn't quite as sure as he normally would be as he stared at Edward's tortured figure and waited for him to continue.

"I used them," he said finally. "I took energy from all of them and recreated my Gate with it. I'm not exactly sure what happened after that. I blacked out I guess – it was just _so much_ – when I woke up Keller was dead and everyone in the city was safe. But I think they remembered - somehow they knew what I'd stolen – the way they looked at me…"

So he hadn't killed them, but…

"You used their life force to combat the Gate and Keller's plan?" Roy asked, wanting to make sure he was following along properly.

Edward nodded and Roy knew they were both remembering "Father". The way he'd drained the people of Amestris in the intention of turning them to into a Philosopher's stone. Riza and the others had told him how it felt, to be unable to move and feeling yourself get weaker and weaker…

"But you didn't kill them, Edward. You took some of their energy but in exchange you saved their lives," he said, putting the pieces together. "I think that's an equivalent exchange and I doubt any of them would argue the point had you stayed and explained things to them."

"I thought the same thing. Better a little less time alive than no time at all."

"There's something else," Roy realized. Edward wouldn't look so broken, wouldn't be here in front of him, if all he'd needed was validation.

"I thought it would just be for that one time, but I could feel it, like it was looming just behind me…"

"What was?"

Haunted eyes met his. "The Gate."

"The Gate was following you?" Roy asked, suppressing a shiver.

"Yes, but… It was the Gate I created with the people's energy. I could feel them…" He swallowed hard and looked away. "I knew I could do alchemy again if I wanted, since the Gate was still there, but I refused because I was afraid it would take more from them. It wasn't until a few weeks later that I realized I fucked up a lot worse than I thought…"

A knock at the door made both of them jump. Both of them looked first to the window, which showed the pitch black and still unrelenting rain, to the clock and then to each other. Whoever it was wasn't calling casually.

Roy stood and slipped a hand into his pocket for his gloves only to realize they were still in the car. With a low curse he started toward the study where he kept another pair, only to be stopped by Edward shooting out of his chair and grabbing his arm.

"No alchemy!" He hissed, looking fevered.

"You realize that assassination attempts aren't out of the realm of possibility for someone like me, don't you, Fullmetal?"

"Using alchemy would make things much worse."

"Worse than an assassination?!"

"Worse than an attempt, bastard," Edward said with an eye roll then pulled a long wicked looking knife from his belt. "Just trust me on this."

Roy looked from Edward to the knife and back again then grabbed his own gun from where it was strapped to the underside of the kitchen table.

"That thing was pointed at my balls this whole time?" Edward asked, his question punctuated by another loud knock.

"Riza can be a bit overzealous. They're all over the damned house."

It was fascinating to watch Edward move with such silence and stealth – whoever was on the other side would certainly only hear Roy's steps if any at all - then disappear into the dining room to the left of the door, where the shadows were the deepest.

Looking through the peephole, Roy breathed a little easier at the sight on the other side. While the military uniform didn't equate to safety and the size of the person would be serious cause for concern if it wasn't who he thought it was, the odds that it was Major General Armstrong on the other side were fairly high.

Opening the door, still keeping the gun ready just in case, he was happy to see his assumption was correct and it was indeed Armstrong.

"Major General, please come in. Not a very nice night to be out for a stroll," he said, standing aside and flicking the safety back on the gun.

Bald head glistening and mustache dripping water, Armstrong ducked through the door and closed it softly behind him.

"My apologies for the late intrusion," he said, looking like he was trying desperately to keep his dripping contained to the entrance rug. "I just received new intel I felt you needed to know of before your meetings tomorrow."

"And you couldn't have called?"

"I did call earlier, sir. There was no answer. I felt that along with relaying my intel that I could check that all was well here. And it seems my Armstrong Family Instincts have served me well, because you have someone hiding in your dining room, sir."

Before he could get the words out to tell him it was just Fullmetal, Armstrong's fists came together and his arrays burst into life.

Then all hell broke loose.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Armstrong's arrays lit up blue and everything was normal for about half a second - then they turned a violent purple and both Roy and Armstrong were blown backward by a sudden explosion of power. Roy found himself bouncing and rolling across the living room floor, bunching an area rug beneath him before he came to rest against the hearth.

He didn't see Armstrong anywhere, but that wasn't surprising given the foyer lighting had been blown out. Shaking his head, he tried to rid the ringing in his ears - everything was slightly muffled, but there was some kind of strange crackling and _ripping_ sounds coming from the darkened dining room.

"Edward!" He yelled, pushing from hands and knees to his feet.

Goddamn it, he'd promised him no alchemy! He'd promised he'd be _safe_! He had no idea what the hell was going on, but he knew Edward was in trouble. He had to help-

Roy swayed on his newly found feet as an odd sensation rolled over him. It wasn't painful or debilitating, just… _odd_.

"Furher Mustang!" Armstrong's large silhouette appeared in the entryway again.

"No alchemy!" He barked out moving forward on steadying legs. "I'm not sure what-"

His words were cut off and brilliant crackling energy lit up the dining room briefly, this time in pure white instead of sickly purple. Roy cursed in disbelief and he heard Armstrong's sharp gasp at the picture before them.

His dining room was gone. Or maybe superimposed by something else was a better description. He could see a vague outline of his dining table and chairs, but on top of it was a foggy vision of the Gate. Obviously too large to fit in his dining room, it's ends and top disappeared off to the sides.

The Gate was cracked open and those horrible grabbing hands he remembered from his worst nightmares were sliding out.

Except… it was different. The hands he remembered were horrible in their passivity – small and rounded like a child's hands and lightly brushing as they quested. These were still small but they were sharp and moved far more quickly.

"Edward!"

It was Armstrong's voice that drew Roy's attention away from where he was horrifyingly hypnotized by the sight of the Gate and those hands. The room had darkened somewhat again, the bright flash from before fading. A slight glow from the entrance (where Roy vaguely noted his front door was missing along with Armstrong's shirt) offered a grim yellowish tinge to the room.

In the dim light he could see Edward was backed into the corner of the dining room and two of those hands had impaled him- one through the shoulder and one through the side. At first Roy thought his position was pleading - he was down on one knee, his head bowed and hands on the floor in front of him. But as more of the hands darted toward him, the brilliant white light from before erupted from around him like lightning, vaporizing the dark pursuing hands as they darted for him and the ones that had briefly caught him. The light also illuminated a great deal of blood – he wasn't kneeling in supplication, he was kneeling out of injury and necessity.

The fury and helplessness Roy felt at that moment equaled, and perhaps surpassed, the way he'd felt when he was blind. He couldn't help at all! Not only did he not have his gloves, but he wasn't sure adding alchemy to this mix wouldn't make things exponentially worse, since it was alchemy that had apparently kicked this off in the first place. And he hadn't gotten enough information from Edward about the situation earlier to know exactly what was going on, let alone how to help.

He saw Armstrong flexing his hands, looking as helpless and furious at not being able to help as Roy felt.

The white alchemic energy from Edward suddenly increased, making them both raise a hand to shield their eyes. After a moment there was a strange sucking pressure to the air and a screech that made them clap their hands over their ears.

Then it was dark and still. The only sound was their own harsh breathing and the still unrelenting rain outside.

"Fullmetal!" Roy barked out, unable to see past the blotches in his vision the burst of light had caused.

"Not Fullmetal," came the slurred, hoarse reply. "Maybe Partmetal… Somemetal… or Scraps…"

The laugh that came after that made Roy curse and stumble to the wall looking for the light switch as his vision slowly cleared.

The sound Armstrong made when he finally found the light was enough to let him know how bad it was, but he was still somehow caught off guard when he turned around.

His dining room was remarkably intact. The only damage was the large pool of blood Fullmetal was lying in, staining his area rug. Ripped and blood soaked clothes showed the Gate's seeking hands had found their target more than a few times. The red was splashed up his neck and face, soaking into golden strands as he lay spread-eagled on the rug staring at the ceiling.

"I'll call the hospital," Armstrong said, his voice shaking slightly. "Let them know we're on the way."

"Don't bother," came the still slurred reply, followed by a disturbingly wet cough.

"You're not dying on my floor, Fullmetal," Roy snarled, nodding to Armstrong to do as he'd said and moving to kneel at Edward's side.

"Can't die," was the unexpected reply. "Tried. So many times. Can't. Won't let me…"

His voice drifted off as his eyes slid closed, leaving Roy feeling like he was the one that had been stabbed. Shaking fingers sought a pulse, and while Edward's skin was too cool and slick with blood, his heartbeat was still there.

As he slid an arm under his shoulders and beneath his knees, he wondered with dread what exactly the last thing Edward had said meant. Because he sure as hell hoped it didn't imply what he thought it did…

* * *

God _dammit_ , he was in the fucking Central Hospital. He knew it before he opened his eyes – no confusion, no wondering "where am I", just that certainty followed by " _ugh_ ".

Ed could've _sworn_ he told that bastard not to bother with this useless bullshit. But noooo, here he was surrounded by white and that godawful smell of disinfectant, an annoying pinching at the crook of his arm from an IV.

Slowly turning his stiff neck to the left some of his animosity drifted away as he saw Mustang, still in the dress pants and button up he'd been wearing last night, sprawled in a chair next to the bed with his eyes closed and head tipped back. Ed knew he wasn't asleep, despite the fact he should be given the dark circles under his eyes.

"Why am I here?" He asked, sounding more surly about it than he really felt.

"Apparently just for exhaustion, dehydration, malnutrition and low blood volume," Mustang said, not opening his eyes. "Though I thought 'bleeding out from numerous stab wounds' would top the list, it was conspicuously absent from the doctor's diagnosis…"

"Told you not to bother bringing me here," he grunted, pushing himself into a sitting position and rolling his neck. Actually, he felt surprisingly good. He guessed the docs topping off his fluids really helped speed up the recovery process – he usually felt like shit for at least a week. Physically anyway, mentally and emotionally the shittiness tended to linger for quite a bit longer…

When he realized it had been quiet a little too long, he turned to see Mustang had abandoned his restful position and was leaning forward now with his elbows resting on his knees, staring at Ed. The look on his face was one he couldn't quite place – too many things going on there and not enough at the same time.

"What?"

"I honestly don't even know where to start," Mustang said, his face settling on just looking tired.

Ed dropped his eyes and looked toward the window. The rain had passed and the sky outside was blue with white puffy clouds that were moving a little too quickly for it to be a picture perfect day out there.

"I was trying to explain… Before- I should go."

The last was said with more defeat than he meant to let through. This was his last hope and it had proven to be too dangerous within hours of meeting up with Mustang. What if shitty Truth had decided to drag him into this? Or Armstrong?

"No, you shouldn't. Kind of hard for us to fix this if you aren't here, don't you think?"

The lightness of the words startled Ed into looking at him again. Those dark eyes were serious though. Serious and determined. The words caught in Ed's throat so he just shook his head.

"Stay here, Edward. In fact, you should stay with me. Whatever this is, we'll figure it out."

"I can't," he choked out, some pathetic part of him wanting to latch onto both the offer and the hope. "It's not safe."

"I can refrain from using alchemy, you know. I go whole weeks, months even, without doing alchemy."

"You use it to make your damn coffee every morning. You use it more than you realize," Edward insisted. "You just don't notice any more. And what about what happened with Armstrong-"

"That was a fluke and you know it," Mustang said, his voice hard. "Nobody is going to come barging into my house using alchemy."

"You can't know that! Just like you couldn't have known it would happen last night!"

Mustang sighed and leaned back in his chair again, staring at the ceiling. It was hard to imagine this man as the Fuhrer right then. He looked so… _human_. Suddenly Edward felt terrible about burdening a man that already had the weight of a country on his shoulders with his own problems. Problems he brought on himself.

"I'm sorry."

The words were on the tip of Ed's tongue but to his surprise they came out of Mustang's mouth.

"I promised you no alchemy and I promised you'd be safe. Then both of those promises were broken and you were hurt because of it. I can understand why you wouldn't trust or want to stay with me. But I can set up a safe house if you'd like-"

"The promise wasn't for me, bastard," he gritted out, Mustang's guilt somehow making the situation even more fucked up. "It was for you. I didn't want you getting caught in the middle of this, getting hurt trying to play the hero. Or feeling shitty if the Gate took me… Like I told you before, don't apologize to me. None of this is- You can't-"

His voice broke, to his embarrassment and he stopped. A second later a glass of water appeared in front of him and he jerked his eyes up to Mustang's. There wasn't a trace of pity or anger on his face (maybe because he still didn't really know what was going on), he just looked calm and solid. Ed took a couple sips and felt better.

"I hate dragging you into this. I shouldn't have come here, but I couldn't go to Al…"

"You were afraid he'd do something stupid?"

Ed nodded. "If this is something that can't be stopped. Can't be fixed. I know that you'll accept that. I'd like to think Al would too, but I don't know for sure."

He left it unsaid, but he was sure Mustang knew what he was thinking. He and Al had committed the taboo of all taboos in trying to bring their mother back. Then in the fight with Father, Al had sacrificed his own soul so Ed could have his arm back. And then Ed had sacrificed his alchemy for Al's soul. It was like they couldn't help themselves, they were stuck on this self-sacrificing wheel. He didn't know what Truth would want to fix this but he knew he didn't want Al trying to pay it.

Roy had lost his best friend and then watched the woman he loved bleeding to death in front of him and both times held strong.

Ed may have had the title of Fullmetal, but Roy Mustang was the one that seemed to be made of it.

"I'm asking you to trust me, Edward," Mustang said, drawing Ed's eyes back to him. "After what happened last night, I can understand that's not easy-"

"Dammit, it's not that I don't trust you," Ed hissed, suddenly angry. "I wouldn't have come here if I didn't. Don't you get it? You _should_ be able to do alchemy in your own fucking home! You should be able to have a fucking troop of alchemists put on a fucking light show for you in your living room every fucking hour if you wanted! The problem here is _me,_ not you!"

"…a troop of alchemists-"

"Yeah, not sure where that came from…"

The moment of levity didn't lessen Ed's anger. Mustang still wasn't getting it. Ed wondered if he'd been dancing around directly talking about it because he didn't want the bastard to think less of him. He'd been hinting and nudging the subject, hoping Mustang would put together the pieces of the bigger picture but it looked like Ed was going to have to spell it out for him.

"Don't you get it?" His voice was quiet and desperate, but so full of emotion that he thought he might choke. "I'm _killing people,_ Mustang! Every time someone preforms alchemy near me the Truth somehow comes at me through it. It uses other people's alchemy as a foothold to get at me. And every time that happens _my_ Gate defends me using the life force I've stolen from those people. I can't stop it! And it's _growing_! Everywhere I go, every time it happens, I snatch up more people and steal from them! The thing I built gets bigger and bigger. _And I can't fucking stop it_."

Mustang had slowly started leaning forward during Ed's rant. His dark eyes burned like fire as he stared back at Ed and he could practically see the wheels turning.

"Let me make sure I've got this straight so far. To stop this Keller alchemist from turning a city in Aerugo into a Philosopher's stone you rebuilt your own Gate to combat him. You did this using energy from the people in the city, siphoning off of them to create enough power to stop the transmutation."

Ed nodded, calming down at the factual tone of Mustang's voice.

"You left…"

"Palyo," Ed supplied, remembering the little town and the way people had stopped to stare at him right before he'd left.

"You left Palyo, thinking you were done, it was a one shot deal, but…"

"But it wasn't," he said. "I never really noticed my old Gate before, it was just part of me. Kind of like how you don't notice a limb really. Until it's missing. After it was gone, I always noticed its absence even though I never really noticed its presence. But after Palyo…"

"You could feel it had returned."

"More than that," Ed said, trying to put it into words. "It wasn't 'just there' like my old Gate. It was very obviously there. I could, can, feel it all of the time – like I could turn around and it would be looming behind me."

"And you knew you could use alchemy with it."

"Yeah, but I didn't," he insisted. "I knew damn well where that Gate got its power from. It wasn't driven by the earth or tectonic plates - I lost that Gate. This Gate was fueled by the energy of other people. No way was I going to take from them. But then…"

"Somebody used alchemy near you."

Ed nodded, swallowing hard. "It was so stupid. Just a broken wagon wheel on the side of the road. I'd hitched a ride with this farmer… This guy stopped and said he could fix it…"

"And what happened in my dining room happened."

"I didn't even _think_ about the damned thing," he said, looking past Mustang and seeing the side of that road again. "The guy activated his array and suddenly the Gate, Truth's Gate, was there and those fucking hands… And suddenly I could feel the Gate I'd made, pulling from the people in Palyo, pulling from the people in the last town I'd been in, pulling from the old farmer I'd been riding with…"

He rubbed his eyes roughly, shaking his head.

"I'm like a fucking _vampire_ ," he hissed in self-disgust. "I steal _life_ from them. And the worst thing is, I'm not absolutely positive it's all just the Gate."

"What do you mean?"

Ed didn't dare look at him during the next part, he kept his palms pressed to his eyes like a coward.

"Truth scares the shit out of me," he admitted. "The thought of getting dragged into that Gate. Being stuck there with him forever…"

"You think you're subconsciously calling on the Gate you created to protect you."

Ed nodded.

"You said in the house that you couldn't die. That you'd tried."

Ed's teeth clamped together. He remembered saying that, but was wishing he'd kept his mouth shut now. Too late for that…

"The new Gate, it… fixes me. I tried to…" He swallowed hard. "I couldn't stand the thought of stealing from people forever. Killing them inch by inch. But it didn't work. It wouldn't let me die. All I ended up doing was hurting more people when it had to put me back together. Or even when it has nothing to do with alchemy. If I'm chasing a bounty and get careless…"

"How long has this been going on?" Mustang asked, his voice slightly hoarse. Ed couldn't get himself to look at his face.

"About two years," Ed said, feeling the weight of every hour of every day of those years suddenly like they were a physical thing. "I've only run into alchemy a couple times. I try to be careful but it just pops up sometimes. Each time the new Gate grows. It collects more people like a snowball rolling down a mountain, getting bigger and bigger. And I can't stop it. The only thing I can think to do is take a running leap into the other Gate the next time it comes looking. Let Truth have me. That or preform another human transmutation and end up there again. I thought before I did that I come here to Central."

"I'm glad you did," Mustang's voice was soft, but when Ed finally looked at him he looked angry. "You don't just give up Fullmetal. It's not in you and it's not in me to let you."

Ed couldn't help the snort of derision that popped out. "You just can't help yourself from giving orders, can you?"

"Maybe you're right," he said, standing and futilely trying to brush away the wrinkles. "I can't order you to stay here and I can't order you to let me help. You're a grown man now, Edward, and no longer part of the military. You're also not the little kid that couldn't trust anyone to help anymore. You came here because you wanted my help, so don't let your fear chase you away now.

"My home is open to you but I can set up a safe house if you prefer. I have meetings today that can't be postponed but after that I'm ready to tackle this if you're willing to let me help. No orders. Just me asking, as your friend _,_ please stay and let me help you fix this."

With that, he turned on his heel and left, leaving Edward staring at the spot he'd been in with a furrowed brow and a heavy heart. While he'd told him almost everything, he'd left out the fact that the new Gate had grabbed onto the people here in Central last night. Mustang, Armstrong, Hawkeye, and countless others' lives were now shorter because of Edward and his fucking Gate.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Roy pulled up to his home to find Armstrong (shirt, of course, nowhere to be found) replacing his front door and Hawkeye watching from the front step. Turning and catching sight of him, she frowned and looked at her watch.

"You're going to be late, sir."

"I'm aware," he said as he swept by, aiming for the stairs and a freshly pressed uniform.

Trust Riza to be more concerned about his tardiness than the fact his front door was mysteriously missing.

"You didn't have to do that yourself, you know," he called down to Armstrong. "I could've called someone in."

"Nonsense," Armstrong's booming voice followed him up the stairs. "I'm not sure exactly what happened here last night, but I know it was my haste to action that started it."

"You couldn't have predicted that. And any other time I would've very much appreciated that haste, Major General," Mustang called as he pulled the new uniform out and started shucking clothes.

He probably needed a shower after last night. The stale scent of fearful sweat probably was clinging to him like cheap cologne. But then he'd be even later…

"At any rate, it was no trouble. The Armstrong family has owned a door and window manufacturing plant for generations. I simply stopped and picked one up."

Roy poked his head around the doorframe to look down the stairs, shirt half buttoned. "You didn't just use alchemy to fix the old one?"

Now that he looked closer he could see that it was a bit darker and the grain finer. Probably a lot nicer than his old door actually…

"I wasn't sure if the orders of last night still held," Armstrong said, swinging the door back and forth on new hinges and studying them closely. "It was actually a nice change of pace to fix something manually."

Honestly, he was a little leery of using alchemy in his home now, too. As if the Gate might appear again, searching for Edward, through whatever hole it had made before. He shook his head as he pulled on the rest of his uniform. That was stupid.

Right?

That was something he and Edward would have to discuss later. Or he'd have to test out when Armstrong and Hawkeye weren't there to put in danger...

And what exactly was the distance that would be safe to use alchemy? He was sure it was being used all over Central right now. Edward was practically in the city's center at Central Hospital.

His fingers twitched over his last button.

 _"_ _The only thing I can think to do is take a running leap into the other Gate the next time it comes looking. Let Truth have me."_

The Gate hadn't seemed to show any interest at all in Roy himself or Armstrong, easing his mind slightly on civilian risk. But Edward's suicidal thoughts made his stomach clench in a panicky urgency that told him to drag him off to the middle of nowhere to work this out and forget about his duty as Fuhrer.

Like Edward would stand for that. With a chuckle he finished his last button and hurried back downstairs.

"I believe alchemy should be fine to use as long as it's not in the presence of Edward," he paused to say lowly next to Armstrong.

"I think I'll be holding off until I get further information on that," Armstrong said, his mustache pulled down in a way that showed he was frowning beneath it. "Just to be safe, sir."

"Understood," he said with a nod. "I'll let you know when I have more concrete information on the subject. And Major General, I don't think I have to say it, but what happened here last night-"

"Never happened, sir."

With a grateful nod, Roy slid into Riza's waiting car. A manila envelope landed on his lap almost as soon as he was seated.

"Major General Armstrong was kind enough to type up the information he'd ascertained last night. Apparently there was some kind of commotion that prevented you two from discussing it," Riza said, eyes meeting his briefly in the mirror.

"Yes, it seems Edward-"

"As curious as I am, I suggest you study those reports on the drive," she said, adding a belated, "Sir. You only have a few minutes to acquaint yourself with the information so I suggest you use it fully to your advantage. You can fill me in on why you felt the need to track down Edward, after I _specifically remember telling you not to_ , after your meetings."

Roy kept his eyes locked on the papers, not needing to look up to see Riza's death glare. She might be scarier than the Gate or Truth…

* * *

Riza left Roy in his office with a stack of new paper work. With Armstrong's new intel, the meetings of the morning had gone surprisingly smoothly. She was sure he'd asked her to go check on Edward simply because he'd thought she was about to shoot him after he'd explained what had happened the night before.

And to be honest, that thought had crossed her mind. Repeatedly.

He'd confronted Edward after Riza had explicitly told him that was a bad idea (although waiting three whole days was actually a little impressive) and it had ended with a potentially deadly situation and Edward in the hospital.

She shoved her hand in her pocket, away from her firearm where it had drifted as she made way out of the building to the car. Officers scattered out of her way, but she didn't pay them much attention.

The story Roy had told her, about what was going on with Edward and why he was in Central, was… worrisome. She was torn between wanting to help Edward in any way possible, but as a soldier she was worried for the safety of the city. And of the Fuhrer.

Edward seemed to have faith that Roy would be more detached in helping him find a "cure" than Alphonse would be, but Riza wasn't so sure. She knew Roy would never do anything to risk the country or its citizens, and he was too logical to do anything he knew would get him nothing but pain in return, such as human transmutation, but she didn't put it past him to risk _himself_. Especially where Edward was concerned…

And especially now.

Roy had seemed a little lost lately to her. He'd accomplished his dream – he was the leader of the country, he was fixing the wrongs that had been done, democracy was taking its first tottering steps. Pretty soon he'd just be the leader of the military for a country doing everything in its power to stay away from conflict.

And romantically… Riza sighed, stopping the car in front of the hospital and just sitting for a moment. She didn't want to place too much importance on herself, but he seemed very upended by the fact things didn't work out between them. She couldn't lie, she was too, but while she was still looking to the future, still open to the idea that there may be a person out there that she could build a family with and spend the rest of her life with, it was like Roy had given up on all of that when he'd given up on them.

Who knew, maybe Edward would be good for him in that respect. Maybe the two lost souls could find their way together.

She snorted at her sappy optimism as she climbed out of the car and started into the hospital. It was also equally possible that they'd both end up dead because neither one of them seemed to be able to stay out of trouble for long.

But that was what she was there for. And Havoc and Breda and Falman and Fuery, too. And if she had to, she'd call Alphonse. Together, she was sure they'd be able to keep those idiots safe.

She stopped in the doorway of one said idiot, smiling slightly as he argued with a nurse.

"I'm done, okay! You keep pumping blood and saline into me it's going to start oozing out of my eyes!"

"That's hardly possible, Mr. Elric," the stern nurse said, adjusting her glasses.

"Pssh, I know that," he said, crossing his arms in a way that made him look about twelve again. "I probably know more about the human body than you do."

"That's also hardly possible, Mr. Elric," she said coolly. "Given the fact that you don't even know how to take care of the one you have."

Edward sputtered at her, turning red, and Riza felt maybe it was time to intervene.

"What else does he need before he can be released?" She asked.

"To allow the current fluids to finish and to eat a meal," the nurse answered.

"That's it? Why didn't you just say so!" Edward complained, throwing his arms up.

"You didn't ask what you needed, Mr. Elric. You simply said what you were doing and that you 'didn't care what that stupid doctor said',"

"I'll get something for you to eat, Edward. Do you think you can manage not to insult anyone or act like a child while I'm gone?" Riza said, resting her hand on the butt of her gun to punctuate her words.

His eyes widened and he looked like he was going to mouth off for a second before he scowled and climbed back into the bed.

The nurse left, muttering, "Maybe I should start carrying a gun" as she swept by Riza.

When her eyes went back to Edward, guilt prickled at her. She'd been a little harsh – her earlier worry making her tetchy. Despite the nurse saying there wasn't much more they could do for him, he still looked… not great. Thin and tired and burdened.

Knowing her concern wouldn't be appreciated, she left without another word.

* * *

"Absolutely not."

"Edward, it's one or the other. Just pick one."

"I'm fine where I am!"

"The hotel isn't secure," Riza bit out, hands squeezing the wheel of the unmoving car. "You have to know that. Someone that uses alchemy could stay in a room right next to yours, what then?"

"That's never happened. Or it's not close enough to me for it to matter," Ed grumbled.

"You're willing to risk that? When you could have a perfectly safe place to stay instead?"

"I'm not staying with him," he said quietly. "And I don't like the idea that he can just pop in whenever he wants."

"That's too bad. And you know perfectly well he would do that even if you were still in a hotel."

"I could just leave…"

"He wants to _help_ ," she said, her voice rising despite her effort to keep calm. "You're not a child anymore who needs to think all adults are stupid and you can do everything on your own. You're a _grown man_ , start acting like it."

He looked at her with wide eyes, before they crinkled and he started laughing, much to her surprise. That was definitely a first. On the rare occasion that she got angry enough to raise her voice people usually went running for cover.

"Sorry," he said. "You two sound just the same, is all. Almost the exact same speech."

She wasn't sure if she was insulted or proud…

He sighed, laughter draining away as suddenly as it had arrived.

"I'm scared," he admitted softly, looking out the window of the still stationary car. "Scared of letting the Gate take me and ashamed that I'm scared. But more than that I'm scared of anything happening to anyone I love because of _my_ stupidity. It's not that I don't think Roy is a brilliant alchemist, I wouldn't have come if that were the case. And it's not that I don't trust him - I asked him to look after Al, which I'm sure tells you how much I trust him. It's just that I know how good intentions can turn on their head and become your worst mistake…"

Riza glanced over at him and felt her anger slip away. He'd gone from acting like an insolent child throwing a tantrum to a world weary man carrying a crushing burden. Slumped and ragged, the crisp white hospital clothing made him look even worse.

"Your good intentions have saved countless lives, Edward. Let someone save yours for once."

Big gold eyes looked at her in surprise, making him look too young again. Starting the car, she aimed it for the safe house.

"So, you love Roy, do you?"

She was barely able to keep a straight face as he squawked and flailed, mind appropriately distracted from life or death for the moment. It was the least Riza felt she could do. She and the people _she_ loved were, after all, included in those countless lives Edward had saved.

* * *

Mustang showed up at the safe house just before sunset, as promised. His uniform had been traded for dark pair of pants and a crisp white button down. Did the man know how to relax? Had he ever in his life worn anything soft and comfortable? Ed quickly shook his head, realizing that picturing him in a soft pair of drawstring pants and a t-shirt was reeeeally inappropriate.

"You feeling okay, Fullmetal? You look a little flushed," Mustang said, climbing the few stairs to the door and looking at him critically.

"Just the sunset, bastard," he replied, turning back into the house.

It was small and dusty and the view of the old munitions factory left a lot to be desired, but it was secluded, so it was serving its purpose. Hawkeye had given him an apologetic look when she got a look at the place, but had left a bucket of cleaning supplies, some bedding and towels before returning to work. Ed had spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning. While no amount of scrubbing really made it _look_ any less old and dingy, at least it was actually much cleaner.

"Nice place you have here," Mustang said from behind him, a smirk in his voice.

"Again, not one of your dates – flattery is useless" Ed grunted, plopping down in a rickety chair that complained loudly. "Wait… Did you pick this craphole because you were pissed I wasn't staying at your place?"

"Of course not, Fullmetal," he said, smoothly sitting in the other chair without so much as a creak. "It's not _my_ fault you wanted to stay somewhere out of the way and not at my fully furnished, warm, clean home close to all the amenities."

Ed snorted despite himself. "Sounds like you're advertising, bastard."

"Well, if you change your mind, it's waiting."

Ed didn't tell him he hadn't really made the choice at all. After refusing to pick one, Hawkeye had driven him here, telling him exactly what he wanted to know about her thoughts on the matter.

Roy placed one of the two bags he'd brought with him on the table between them, the smell letting Ed know that Xingese food was waiting inside it.

"Thought we'd have dinner first," Mustang said, going about pulling the cartons out.

"No plates."

He paused and gave the room a distasteful look before looking at Ed with a raised eyebrow that spoke volumes about his thoughts on him staying there instead of Mustang's home. Ed just shrugged in defiance and grabbed a set of chop sticks and digging in.

"I wanted some of that," Mustang said with an angry eyebrow twitch.

"So have some," Ed said, shoving another bite in his mouth before shoving the carton over to Mustang and grabbing another.

Noticing the look on the other man's face he smirked. "Think I have cooties? Who's acting like the child now?"

Mustang rolled his eyes and dug into the carton Ed had offered him in defiance.

"Not worried about _'cooties'_ , Fullmetal. Just appalled at your lack of manners."

"Didn't realize I was supposed to be trying to impress you," Ed said with a mouth full of food.

"If you think impressing me involves not spraying half eaten food all over the table, then sure, you're supposed to be impressing me."

Ed had relaxed back against the chair, enjoying the banter. Things almost felt normal again. They ate mostly in silence with the occasional sniping – Mustang shoving another container toward Ed every time he sat one down. Though he was full about halfway through, he kept picking at the things Mustang pushed at him, wanting to keep things peaceful for a little while longer. Before long, the food was gone and Mustang was shoving the empty cartons back in the bag they'd come from. He then pulled some paper and pens from the other bag and, after flicking a lonesome piece of rice out of the way, sat them on the table between them.

"Shall we get started then?"

Ed nodded and pulled some paper toward him.

"Let's start with you showing me exactly what you did," Mustang said.

Ed nodded again and started spreading the paper out over the table – he'd need a bigger work area if he was going to show Mustang what he built. As he stood, shoving the old chair away, and started to sketch, Mustang spoke up again.

"I hope you don't mind me filling Riza in."

Ed paused, not at the words but the tone. There was just the slightest bit of hesitation there – something you wouldn't notice as much if you didn't know the man very well.

"Nah, figured you would the minute it came out of my mouth," he said.

It wasn't quite true, but in hindsight he could see plainly that that's what would happen. She was his best friend and the one whose job it was to keep him safe. A missing door and a huge bloodstain in his dining room would've been a hard topic to avoid.

"I wouldn't have had you asked me not to," Mustang said, that hesitancy of before gone.

Ed looked up and smiled.

"I know."

Mustang's eyes looked extra dark in the dim lighting, pupils and irises becoming one making for a striking contrast to his pale skim. Realizing he was staring, Ed jerked his eyes back down to the work in front of him. Focusing on that was safer. Well, safer for his mind if not his body.

 _Don't think about bodies_!

Speaking of, Mustang was suddenly right next to him, making him tense.

"What's this line for?" He asked arm brushing Ed's as he pointed.

"Not finished yet," he grunted, getting some space under the pretext of continuing the lines. "It'll be an anchoring point."

"An anchoring point? _There_?"

"Psh, don't judge yet, bastard. At least wait until it's finished to pick it apart. And I'll remind you that the fucking thing worked."

"Yes, only too well…"

Edward kept silent as he continued. Slowly his surroundings slipped away and he found his mind back in that place, faced with Truth and rushing to pull things together before it was too late. Had he done it incorrectly in his hurry? Changed part of the theory? He didn't think so, but he struggled to make sure he pulled the array from his memory of the action instead of his memory of the theory.

Finished, Ed clenched the pencil in his hand so tightly it threatened to snap – the memory of the people's fear, the feeling of power, the presence of Truth all too fresh in his mind.

"That's… impressive," came Mustang's hushed voice next to him.

Having almost forgotten he was there, Ed glanced over to see Mustang studying the array spread out on the table, brows locked in an intense V.

"That's one word for it," Ed said darkly.

"Well, let's get to work shall we?" Mustang said, pulling out a pencil of his own and pointing to a familiar line.

"An anchoring point here? Really?"

Ed grinned internally while he argued the counter point out loud. He'd gone over this thing himself more times than he could count. Having someone else there, picking it apart with him…

He'd missed it a lot more than he'd thought. He'd missed a lot of things more than he'd thought…


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Three days later the small safe house was brimming with stacks of papers despite Roy taking some of the dead ends home to burn in the fireplace. He'd come this morning to find that Ed had actually resorted to scribbling on the walls in the night like some manic genius.

"What's all this?" He asked sitting the bag of breakfast sandwiches down on the table.

"Ran out of paper," was the grunted reply.

Roy sat down to watch the show, tense for a moment while he waited to be sure the rickety chair wouldn't dump him out on the floor. Ed's fingers were stained from the charcoal he'd taken to using instead of pencils or pens ("easier to smudge and destroy", he'd said, worried someone would come across the work) and his strokes were sure and sweeping. Mustang was always entranced by the way he worked. His own strokes were slower and more calculated, but Edward seemed to never pause, never hesitate – his mind just moved so quickly it was hard for his hands to keep up.

Roy pulled a sandwich out and sat it on the table across from him and then pulled one out for himself.

"Your food will get cold," he said, then kicked himself for sounding like a doting braced himself for a derisive snort and some mocking but all he received was a grunted "in a minute".

Leaning back in his chair and taking bite of his own sandwich, he took a rare moment to study Edward instead of the arrays he was sketching out. He had to pat himself on the back, he'd managed to put some weight back on the other alchemist. Edward was looking less gaunt and hollowed out these days. After Roy had figured out that Ed would just randomly shove whatever food was at hand in his mouth when he was busy working, he'd stealthily made sure something would appear next to him randomly throughout their sessions. It was probably a learned action from years of traveling with Alphonse and having his brother watch out for him – easier to just eat and keep working than to argue over it.

The sweep of Ed's arm in a new arch emphasized shoulder blades, muscles bunching and stretching as he reached and long hair catching the morning light streaming in one of the dingy windows. Someone should use that charcoal to commit the lines and arcs of Edward's body to paper…

"Pretty amazing, right?"

"Sure is," Roy said distractedly, watching forearms tense as a new symbol was sketched out and the curve of his neck as he tilted his head.

"Think it'll work? I know it's a little… unorthodox…"

Could it work? He chewed slowly and thought it over.

"Maybe…"

With the swing of bound hair and a flash of gold, Roy found himself being glared at.

"Are you even paying attention, bastard?"

"Not really," he admitted with a shrug. "Still working on my first cup of coffee. Give me a minute."

Edward huffed and stomped over to the table, snatching up his sandwich with charcoal blackened hands while Roy took a swallow of his coffee to show he was making an effort to wake up instead of having been oogling Edward. He needed to go on a date…

Popping the last bite in his mouth, he turned his eyes on the newest array Ed had been working on. Something about it was different… He stood and moved closer, trying to take in all the intricacies. While he'd impressed even himself in being able to keep up with Edward this far, the longer they worked the more theoretical and abstract the work became. He hoped he wouldn't let him down…

"Alphonse would be better suited to this, you know," he said, shaking his head as he decided to break down the array in pieces instead of trying to take it in as a whole.

"Of course I know," Ed said with a sigh, taking a sip of his own coffee. "But he'd be using half his brain thinking up back up plans to save my life."

Roy didn't look at him, but felt a slight stirring of irritation at that. "And you don't think that's my goal?"

"I think you're using your _whole_ brain to find a solution that _works_ and has nothing to do with you sacrificing mind, body or soul to accomplish it," Ed said easily through a mouthful of food.

Roy was quiet as he studied the array and then shook his head. "This is some sort of attempt at using your own life force to block that of the people the Gate is using? You think you have enough to go around?"

The words were said analytically, but his hands were clenched in his pockets.

"Probably not," he said. "But if I can block enough to weaken it then maybe we can implement something else."

"I think we need to figure out what we're missing in the first place. Nothing in your original array indicates that it would keep using people as an unending power supply. I don't think we can figure out a way to stop it or block it until we figure out exactly what went wrong from the start."

Edward gave a theatrical sigh and flopped backwards in his chair, making it groan ominously. Roy couldn't blame him – it was an argument they'd had and plan they'd tried repeatedly since they started. They'd pour over the original, dissect it piece by piece, not find an answer and then move on to just trying to stop it. Then, when that didn't work, they'd go back to the original again. Rinse and repeat.

It was like the damned thing had a mind of its own and was deciding what to do without any instructions from the array…

Roy glanced at his watch and clenched his teeth.

"Somewhere better to be?" Edward said, still sprawled out across the chair but head cocked to look over at Roy.

"Another Parliamentary meeting this afternoon."

Ed snickered. "They like calling meetings, don't they? Can't they just make a damned list of points to talk about during a certain set meeting time instead of calling everyone together whenever one of them gets a hair up their ass?"

"No, because that would be the logical way to do it," Roy said then sighed, slumping a little. "I guess I shouldn't really complain. They're all very… _excited_ about the new democracy and are dedicated to making it work. The meetings aren't argument fueled power grabs like most military meetings were – they actually want to make things better. It just gets…"

"Annoying," Ed supplied, having abandoned his coffee and arrays to give Roy his full attention.

"Well, yes," he said with a smile that disappeared as quickly as it had come. "But more… It's just that each time we meet they need the militaries input a little less. I get a little more obsolete with each passing day."

"But, wasn't that the goal?" Ed asked more gently than Roy thought possible.

"Yes, it was," he answered firmly. "And I'm proud that it's growing to such a point where the military force is just for protection and not ruling or conquering. But part of me can't help but feel-"

"Lost."

Roy didn't say anything. He didn't have to.

* * *

They worked for a couple more hours before the sound of an approaching car pulled them from their latest argument. Seeing it was Riza, Ed grabbed Mustang's wrist and looked at the time, leaving black smudged finger prints on his forearm where he'd rolled his sleeves up.

"Time for the dog and pony show, bastard."

"Dammit, I think we were getting somewhere," Mustang complained, running a hand through his hair and leaving his own charcoal smudges on his forehead.

"The only place we were getting was closer to me punching you," Ed said distractedly.

Roy looked oddly appealing with his rolled up sleeves, messy hair and charcoal smudges…

"Like what you see, Fullmetal?"

The words were purred in that teasing way that Ed knew was purposely used to rile him up, but for a minute he was speechless by the fact that he _did_ like what he saw. When there was no snarky comeback or derisive comment Mustang's face slowly changed from that trained asshole countenance to something soft and surprised.

Hawkeye coming in the front door was a welcome distraction and Ed tore his eyes away, embarrassment coloring his face, he was sure.

"Sir, the meeting will be starting soon," she said, looking Mustang up and down in disapproval. "And is seems you'll need a shower before going. Unless you're fine with looking like you've been living on the streets…"

"I make a fine looking hobo," Mustang said, grabbing his coat from the back of the chair.

Ed silently agreed, but laughed out loud. Stretching for a moment and rolling his neck, he then flopped down in the chair.

"Maybe if you show up like that-"

That was as far as he got before the chair gave up after days of his abusing it and splintered. The moments after that seem to somehow move far too fast and in slow motion at the same time.

Ed dropped a hand in a vain effort to catch himself before his ass could hit the floor but the back of the chair had snapped off, leaving a jagged spike of wood behind. He felt it go into his palm and snatched his hand back as the rest of him hit the floor with a pained grunt.

He could hear Mustang laughing, but it was a dull background sound to the roar that was building in his ears as he saw the scrap arrays on the floor splashed with blood from his palm.

"-so graceful, Fullmetal. You should-"

"Get back!"

It was too late though. The array gave a tiny spark of energy before bursting into life. It was a fully formed but theoretical array, and Ed hadn't done anything to activate it but the Truth seemed to be changing the rules to get at him. The Gate tore into existence with a suddenness that left Ed breathless and scrambling backwards, ass sliding through the remains of his chair and the pieces of paper with their old work on it.

 _This is it_ , he thought staring at the seam of the door that was cracking open. _I'm not taking from anyone else. The fucker can have me._

He started bringing his hands together to activate the array in his mind that he'd been working on that morning, one that could potentially block the protection of the other Gate at the cost of his own life force and allow time for him to surrender. But just before his palms could touch, and at the same time the dark hands were released from the confines of the Gate, another body slammed into his.

They both hit the ground hard and Ed could vaguely hear Hawkeye yelling and the sound of gunshots before he felt the now familiar and devastating wash of stolen energy burst from him, fighting off Truth's gate once again – the connections even stronger than the last time.

Was this how that bastard that called himself "Father" had felt? Connected and siphoning off all of those souls? Fuck, he really was a monster…

"Don't you dare give up on me yet, Ed," a familiar voice said, warm breath brushing his face. "We're close, I can feel it."

Opening his eyes, he found Roy hovering over him - arms on either side of Ed as he lay sprawled over the floor, knees on either side of his own.

"Too close," Ed said, looking pointedly at their position and feeling a burst of both embarrassment and excitement. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Keeping you from handing yourself over to that goddamned Gate," he hissed, rare anger creasing his features. "Tell me that's not what you were about to do."

"I can't keep doing this," he breathed. "I can't keep stealing from people like this."

"A few seconds, maybe," Roy said, shaking his head. "If it meant saving your life, I doubt they'd deny you that."

"And what if those few seconds belonged to someone you cared about? What if they belonged to Hughes?" He said, making Roy's breath stutter for a second and his eyes close. "How would Gracia and Alicia feel about that? I know I'd give almost anything for a few more seconds with Mom. To think of some fucker stealing those…"

"I see your point," Roy said, opening dark eyes to stare into Edwards. "But I feel like that about _your_ seconds. I'm just asking for a little more time. Please."

Something in Ed shifted suddenly right then, and he opened his mouth to find he didn't have any words. There in the musty interior of that old house, dust motes floating around them from the lowering sun shining in now broken windows, something changed.

Just as Ed was getting a grasp on what that meant, something warm drop onto his shirt. Looking down he saw blood soaking through Roy's shirt and dripping onto his own.

"Sir!" Hawkeye barked from what seemed far away.

"I'm fine," Roy said, still staring at Ed.

Then he collapsed on top of him.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

A moment of shocked silence followed Mustang's collapse. The pleasant warm weight of him was countered sharply by the blood and rising panic.

"Dammit," Hawkeye breathed, sliding on her knees beside them and resting a hand on Roy's shoulder. "Sir, can you hear me?"

"Yeah," was the reply, muffled by Ed's shirt. "Just give me a minute."

"We need to get him to the hospital," Hawkeye said grimly looking at the gouges in Roy's back. "Edward, are you hurt?"

Numbly, he shook his head as he too stared at the bloody mess as best he could with Roy's head blocking his view.

"Good, help me get him to the car."

"I can walk," Roy grunted sounding irritated as he pushed himself off Edward. "And I seriously doubt I need a hosp-"

Hawkeye completely ignored the words coming out of his mouth and lifted an arm, wedging her shoulder under him and drawing a squawk of protest. Ed, following her lead, scrambled under the other arm.

Despite his talk earlier, they carried most of Roy's weight and he didn't complain once – his jaw was clenched so tightly Ed doubted he could get a word out had he wanted to. Huffing and puffing (bastard was heavier than he looked) they finally got him to the car, where he proceeded to have another fit when they tried to get him to lay down in the back.

"I'm not arguing about going to the hospital, but I _will not_ be laid out like a few cuts have reduced me to an invalid," he snarled.

Hawkeye looked like she was about to "persuade" him with the help of her gun, but before that could happen Ed tugged open the passenger side door and aimed Roy toward it. He would've felt the same way if he'd been in Roy's shoes. The more time they argued over it meant the more blood the man was losing, as well. So if the bastard wanted to ride shotgun, so be it.

Hawkeye, looking surly over losing the seating battle, hurried around the car and slid in the driver's seat.

"Let's go," she said, giving an impatient wave at the still stationary Ed through the open window.

But Ed shook his head again, feeling far away and detached.

"He can't. There are too many dangerous notes here to leave. They need to be guarded or destroyed," Roy said before Ed could get the words out of his tight throat. Dark eyes locked on his – serious but soft. "I'll be back after I get stitched up. Don't make that face, Fullmetal. This happened because of my decisions, not yours."

Ed could see the muscle in Hawkeye's jaw tick as she clenched her teeth together, obviously wanting to say something but refraining. Instead she gave Ed a curt nod before pulling off in a spray of gravel.

Edward wasn't sure how long he stood there staring off where the car disappeared, but by the time he found the will and energy to move Mustang's blood was crusted on his shirt.

It took a while to gather all of the papers - he hadn't realized how messy they'd been. Roy had been taking some of the dead ends home each night to burn in the fireplace, but there were still a lot left.

"Pyromaniac," he whispered to himself, feeling a burning behind his eyes.

Was he going to be okay? He was, right? There had been a lot of blood but he was awake and talking and it didn't look like the injuries were deep enough to hit anything vital… But what did he know, he wasn't a doctor.

Sitting on the floor he ran scenario after scenario through his head as he methodically smudged out all of the work they'd done. After he was done with the papers he took an old rag to the walls, leaving a big smeary canvas of nothing behind. And when all that was done and his mind had worked through a hundred different possibilities, there was once conclusion that he came to again and again.

He had to leave.

* * *

"He's going to leave."

"He's going to try," Roy said, signing the hospital release papers.

His back felt stiff and sore but not that bad considering the amount of stitches he'd collected. Shoving the pages at the bored looking nurse, he strode quickly for the door, Riza on his heels.

"How long have we been here?"

"About two hours, sir."

He silently snarled. Despite logic telling him it was necessary to come here he wished he hadn't. It stupidly hadn't occurred to him until more than halfway through his stiches that Edward would leave. He knew he'd feel unneeded guilt and blame himself but he didn't think of the leaving part until far too late. He wondered if Riza had known all along and just not said anything until now…

Again, it was a freak accident, nothing they could've planned for or expected, but he knew in Edward's mind that would only make it worse. It _was_ odd that Ed's blood could trigger an array though… But as the son of a living, breathing philosopher's stone, he supposed he shouldn't be too surprised.

The ride back out to the house was silent. The sun had set and when they pulled up there was no sign of light from inside - but Roy didn't need the light to know that the house was empty. It was old and run down, but when Edward had been there it had also held a kind of warmth. That was gone now.

Without a word he got out of the car and went inside. The work on the walls were nothing but dark smears now and all of the pages they'd worked on were the same – piled on the table in neat blackened stacks.

Roy picked the piles up and headed back to the car. Riza again didn't say anything until they were almost back to his house.

"I could send out a patrol to look for him," she said. "Unless he caught a ride with someone he couldn't have gotten too far. And we could send someone to the train station, see which way he was headed if he left that way."

He shook his head slowly, trying to shake of the anger and self-pity he was stewing in and plot his next steps.

"I don't want to track him down like he's some criminal. He's a grown man – he can go where he wants, when he wants."

"What happened to 'he's going to try' when I said he was leaving? Giving up before you even started?"

Roy looked at her sharply. "Why the sudden concern? We both know you didn't want him here."

"That's not true," she said, not looking angry at the accusation at all. "I admit I was worried about your safety and the safety of the people in the city after you told me what was happening with him. But Edward himself, I wanted here very much. For you."

Roy turned his eyes away and focused instead on their approach to his house, refusing to give that a response.

"So, you're just going to let him go?"

"I don't have a choice. We've been working at this for days and haven't made any progress. I can't help in any way, and in his eyes I'm only a liability."

He was out of the car as soon as it stopped, praying she wouldn't follow to poke at his wounds some more because he might end up saying something he'd regret. But there was no slamming of the driver's side door and after a moment of idling the car pulled off slowly, much to his relief.

Flicking on the lights, he found himself wandering into the dining room where the large bloodstain was still on his carpet. He pulled out a chair and practically fell into it, wincing as his wounds pulled, and let the smeared pages scatter across the table.

He spread them out in front of him, looking for any hints or clues, but Edward had been thorough in his destruction. He was sure he could recreate the original array from memory, but he wasn't so sure that he'd be able to avoid all rehashing all the dead ends they'd already discarded.

Rising from the table, Roy went to retrieve a pencil and some more paper. He'd work on this on his own while Edward was off doing who knew what. Edward wouldn't consider coming back unless there was some kind of promise of safety or forward progress. Hopefully he could come up with an answer, a cure, or even a hint that there was a future for him.

 _For them,_ part of him whispered.

And hopefully he wouldn't be too late…

* * *

Roy had been taking advantage of his medical leave by spending time in the library. He'd jokingly suggested that maybe he should've gotten hurt earlier if that was all it took to get the Parliament from constantly demanding his presence at those pedantic meetings.

Riza hadn't been amused.

Picking through every part of the array wasn't turning out to be a fun task. Many of the symbols and methods Ed had incorporated were from different schools of alchemic thought – most of which Roy had no knowledge of. He'd taken Edward on his word on their meanings and particular jobs within the array but had decided that he should go back and learn the pieces for himself. Maybe a fresh set of eyes would pick out where things turned so far off course.

It was on the fourth day that he found a glaring problem.

He was going through some of his own books when he came across a small collection Al had sent him a while back of different alkahestery books the boys had received from Ling as a thank you. Al had said Ling had gone a little overboard and they'd received some books that were basically duplicates with different covers and he thought Roy might like them. Apparently Ed had devoured them all within a month and didn't care if Al sent them to "the bastard".

Even though they'd looked fascinating, Roy hadn't had time to do more than flip through them until now. It near the bottom of the pile that he found the symbol for energy that Ed had used multiple times in his array.

Except the base line was nothing more than a piece of eraser shaving stuck to the page.

Roy stared at it agog for the moment. Unable to believe that A) Edward had missed that – he must've been awake for days when he was reading this book B) that the array had worked at all and hadn't just blown up in his face when he'd activated it and C) that _he may have actually found the answer_.

He stood so fast that his chair toppled backwards. There were other directional symbols in the array that also sent it looking for energy, but this one must mean something different – something that could explain just what the hell was going on.

It took him another full day to find what he was looking for. Riza had come, threatened, and gone leaving him buried in books with reluctant sigh – but his sleeplessness was worth it, since he was now staring at the answer. He had to be sure though. He couldn't go to Edward with a half formed theory – Ed would pick that apart immediately and still be on his suicidal path. Roy hoped he wasn't taking too much time and Ed hadn't already found the end of that road – he was hoping that he was researching on his own somewhere outside the city and that only another accidental release of the Gate could trigger his surrender.

But for now, to get the answer he needed, he needed to get to Palyo.

Riza knew immediately from the look on Roy's face and the purposeful way he was walking that he'd found something. She wasn't sure whether to be grateful for that or not. He'd been like a man possessed since Edward left. Possessed by Edward's own unhealthy work habits, in fact. Nonstop searching through piles and piles of books at the library, his own collection and that of the Armstrong family, he'd barely taken time to eat or sleep. Now, instead of looking worn down and discouraged, there was determination in every line of his body and his eyes were brighter.

"I need to go to Aerugo," he said without preamble after sliding into the car.

After nothing more than a blink of surprise, she nodded. "I can be ready within the hour. We can-"

"No, I need you to find Edward while I'm there."

"He's two hours outside of the city in a former Ishbalan refugee camp," she said without pause, starting the car.

Now it was Roy's turn to blink in surprise.

"I thought I told you not to track him down?"

"You did," she said. "But I did it anyway. Don't worry, I was discreet – it wasn't implied at all that he was a criminal or had done anything wrong."

Roy gave her a slightly disgruntled look for disobeying but added reluctant nod of appreciation.

"Well, that certainly makes this a little easier. In that case I need you to go there and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

"Like get hurt and work nonstop?" She asked sardonically.

"Like hand himself over to that damned Gate."

"You've found something that can stop it?"

"Possibly, that's why I'm going to Palyo – I have to be sure before I take this to Edward."

"You can't go alone, sir. Relations are good but-"

"I'll be low key."

"Take Armstrong."

"That's the opposite of 'low key'," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"On the contrary, with Armstrong beside you, you can be sure you won't be the first one they look at," she said with a smirk.

* * *

Thunder clapped overhead, making Roy huddle down further in his coat as they rushed to the nearest source of shelter from the train station. Armstrong seemed completely unbothered by the rain, as if his muscles made him water resistant – maybe that was an Armstrong family trait. Luckily the man's bulk was blocking a good deal of the sideways blowing rain.

The inside of the diner was such a relief after the torrent outside that Roy just stood there dripping and enjoying the dry stillness for a moment. He thought Edward had said Aerugo was nice?

"Something I can help you boys with?"

The woman had a kind face, but her eyes were suspicious. Roy couldn't blame her – despite their being in civilian clothes they both still had the bearing of military. Particularly Armstrong, whose body seemed to not know how to stand any way except at attention.

"You can give each of us a plate of whatever that is that smells so delicious," Roy said, pushing the charm as he ruefully ruffled his hair, sending a scatter of water droplets to the floor. "And maybe an extra pile of napkins would be in order."

Eyes drifting off of Armstrong's giant physique, the woman relaxed a little as she looked Roy up and down as he dripped on the welcome rug.

"I think I can do better than that, sugar. I'll grab you boys a couple towels. We always keep some on hand this time of year," she said, voice drifting as she went in the back. "Storms can pop up mighty fast in this corner of the world."

She returned moments later with a couple towels (Armstrong made his look like a tea towel, which both Roy and the waitress grinned covertly about) and they spent a minute fruitlessly trying to dry off before heading to a booth.

"And that you're smelling is my berry cobbler. We serve it warm with a side of ice cream if you're interested."

"That sounds as glorious as it smells," Armstrong boomed, his voice seemingly twice as loud in the empty diner than it usually was. "Could I get a cup of coffee as well, if it isn't too much trouble?"

His impeccable manners softened the imposing effect of his size and volume and the woman relaxed a little more. Roy seconded a cup of coffee and she left them for the counter.

"How would like to handle this?" Armstrong asked, voice quieter than most would think him capable of.

"I need to ask these people about Edward and what happened here that night."

"And what do you presume their reactions will be like?"

"I'm not sure…" Roy said hesitantly. "According to Edward they looked at him like he was some kind of monster before he left, so they might not be too receptive to us bringing him up."

Armstrong nodded seriously, body drawing up a little tighter.

"Relax, Major General," Roy said sternly. "If you project wariness we'll only get the same in return."

Armstrong nodded, but still looked uncomfortable. "If you'll forgive me for saying so, I'm worried this could end up being an incident, sir. This woman may not have recognized you, but it's unlikely we'll get so lucky as we continue our quest. It would have been best to send-"

"I couldn't send anyone without alchemical knowledge. You're the only one that fits that description that I trust enough with the details of what's going on, besides the Elrics themselves, that is. And I wasn't sending you alone."

"Sir…"

Roy didn't dare look at him – he knew the eye would be brimming and he'd practically be shooting off sparkles of love and admiration. Luckily the cobbler showed up before Armstrong could toss the table aside and hug him while sobbing about trust and duty and not letting him down.

The waitress hovered, giving them more than ample time to question her about Edward, but the cobbler was so delicious that neither could bring themselves to bring up a topic that might get them kicked out before they were finished.

"That, ma'am, was the finest dessert I've ever tasted," Armstrong said, sounding awed and a little weepy about it.

The woman looked surprised at his heartfelt declaration but then broke out into a pleased smile.

"Well, aren't you sweet! That was my grandmother's recipe, actually. I'm pretty proud of it but can't really take the credit."

"You should. She may have come up with the recipe but you've kept it alive and done it justice," Roy said, setting down his napkin and reaching into his coat pocket.

He put down enough that he was sure it was near double what their cobbler and coffee had cost and then sat a picture of Edward on top of it.

Her demeanor instantly changed – eyes locked on the picture, body going stiff and still, face paling.

 _Not the reaction I was hoping for_ , Roy thought warily, though not sure what exactly he _had_ been hoping for.

"You know this man?" Armstrong asked.

The waitress slowly backed away from the table, a shaking hand going over her mouth as she went behind the counter. Armstrong's brow furrowed and he glanced at Roy with worried eyes. An adverse reaction to his questioning had been expected, from what Edward had told him, but what _wasn't_ expected was the shotgun the waitress pulled out from under the counter and pointed at them.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

The late afternoon sun slanted through the leaves of the forest, the slight breeze causing a beautiful rippling pattern on the walls of the abandoned mill – the stone barely noticeable anymore through natures attempt at taking the space back. If Riza had been looking for a quiet, out of the way place to spend time, this would be it, but unfortunately she wasn't there for any sightseeing or meditation.

This was the best vantage point to watch Edward from.

She'd sent a rotating schedule of trusted off duty men out since he'd left central, making sure they knew to report any strange goings on to her and her alone. They were all men that had been around during the end of Bradley's reign and had been there for "The Promised Day" so they knew what "strange" really was.

The first man she'd sent had reported that he was pretty sure Edward had known he was there within an hour – that or he just randomly flicked off the mill – but hadn't made any attempt to leave or contact them. The others hadn't reported anything as direct but Riza was sure Ed knew they were there, too, they must have just been far enough away that he didn't care. Which was just what Riza had been hoping for.

"Any change?" She asked after climbing the crumbling stairs to the roofless top floor.

Randell, a middle aged man from munitions, gave her a slightly startled look – obviously not expecting his relief to come in the form of Riza herself.

"Nope," he said, recovering quickly and giving an informal shrug. That was one of the reasons she liked the man – he knew this wasn't an "official" mission and didn't treat it as such. "Same old shit, different day. Ran out of paper a few days ago, so now he just doodles on the walls and floors of the abandoned buildings. Doesn't seem to eat or sleep much anymore. Kinda freaky, actually. I wonder…"

His words trailed off as he seemed to bite his tongue. She looked at him curiously, questioning at his reluctance.

"You wonder…" She prompted.

"It's not really my place," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and not looking right at her. "I'm not sure what exactly we're watching for but… it kinds feels like we're just watching this guy slowly wither away. I'm not sure what the other guys are telling you, but he's not looking so hot. It might be time to step in if keeping him alive is a priority."

Concern spiked in her, cold and sharp. She'd been told by the others that he was under eating and over working, which was normal for Ed, but for Randall to be so worried…

She pulled out her spyglass and stepped to the edge of the vine covered ledge.

"Where?"

"East end of the camp, last I checked."

Riza swung the glass to the left and spotted Edward immediately – the filtered sun catching his bright golden hair. Her throat tightened and her breath stuttered to a halt. This was…

"Why wasn't this reported before now?" She bit off, cataloging the way his clothes had started to hang on his thin frame.

"Well, when you said 'weird', I guess I didn't include being skinny…"

Riza nodded in reluctance, kicking herself. It was true – she hadn't told them to report on his actions or wellbeing, just if something bizarre seemed to be happening.

"You can go. I'll take it from here."

Randall left without another word and Hawkeye stayed in her perch, watching for a little while longer before carefully heading back down the crumbling stairs. She'd promised Roy she wouldn't let Edward hand himself over to the Gate, but this was a concern they hadn't prepared for. Even if he thought he couldn't die, what happened if- _when_ they fixed the problem and the new Gate wasn't repairing him any longer. He wouldn't survive long after in the condition he was in.

Not to mention his mental state…

Her stomach clenched uncomfortably as it occurred to her that Roy thought the alchemy was all they had to worry about when it actually might be the easiest part to fix.

After all of this, would Edward ever be the same?

* * *

 _The connections aren't compromised if I do this the anchors will hold if the rerouting of energy is balanced if I moved this- no moved_ this _what about the old symbol for- no that would counteract the purpose of-_

"Edward."

His hand twitched against the wall, the flow of his thoughts hitting a snag before he shook it off and continued the next arc.

 _There could be a rebound if I direct the energy here but perhaps the rebound can be_ used _what if there were a second set of arrays within this set the variants could be applied to-_

"Edward, please."

"Go away," he snarled out, rubbing a hand roughly against his temple as his thoughts skittered away while he tried to corral them back into order.

 _The line of control- The connections between- What if I pulled from-_

"Dammit," he hissed.

It was getting harder and harder to keep his ideas flowing coherently. They wanted to skip in and out of his line of thoughts like birds in a bath – just dipping themselves in before flitting off again. He gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the whispering that he was being rude; that he knew this person; that he _liked_ this person; that they were a friend, not an annoyance.

Part of him knew something was wrong with his behavior, but he ignored it in favor of progressing his ideas. He was _almost_ there! He could _feel_ it! If he could just scrape together just a little more focus-

The click of the gun managed to get through his frenzied thoughts and he finally cast a wary eye behind him. Although he'd heard her voice twice now and had somewhat registered he knew her, he was still surprised to see Hawkeye standing behind him.

"I don't want to, but I will shoot you and drag you back to Central if I have to, Edward."

He gave an unworried snort. Not that he thought she wouldn't shoot him, it was more that it wouldn't matter. Plus…

"Roy told you what's going on with me right? You know that thing will fix me, so you shooting me will actually hurt other people, not me."

"I'm sure it will hurt you some," she said with a dangerous flash of smile.

And… she wasn't wrong. Before it repaired him it would hurt like a bitch. Still, he turned his back on her, eyes surveying his latest arrays of insanity splashed up on the walls.

"Why the hell would you want me back in Central, anyway? You know it's too dangerous."

"And it's dangerous for you to be out here living like this."

He gave another snort. "Only dangerous to me."

"Exactly."

He turned in surprise, which must've registered on his face because her tenacity suddenly crumbled leaving her looking sad. She lowered her gun and placed it back in its holster.

"Do you think that doesn't matter? That _you_ don't matter?"

He shook his head and turned away again, not wanting to see that look of pity on her face for another second.

"I _deserve_ whatever happens to me, that's the difference. I brought this on myself. You and Roy have to know that, that's why you sent the goon squad to keep an eye on me, right? To make sure I didn't stay to close to the city? That no one else would be hurt by my mistakes?"

" _I_ sent men, not Roy. He didn't even know about it until recently. Any you deserve only good things, Edward. I won't argue the point with you because I know you won't believe me, but many in Amestris, and out, I'm sure, owe their lives to you. You've helped a lot of people."

 _And I've been slowly killing a lot of people, too_ , he thought, but wasn't able to choke the words out.

She sighed when he didn't respond. "At any rate, I'm not going to let you stay out here and starve yourself or drive yourself mad."

"What's it matter? It's not going to let me die," he mumbled, eyes already locked on a set of arrays he'd drawn yesterday and making adjustments mentally.

"And when this gets fixed? And you don't have the Gate to rely on to fix you anymore? Then what? You may have let yourself go too far to come back."

He blinked at the irony – freedom from the threat of the Gate only to starve to death.

"I doubt that's something to worry about," he said with a sharp laugh.

"I need you to hold it together, Edward," she said, voice moving closer. "I just need you to wait-"

"Wait for what?! For it to _kill_ someone?" He snarled, rounding on her and forcing her to take a step back.

"Roy found something," she said. "Just give him some time, he'll come-"

"Oh great, so he can get hurt again? Or die this time? Why aren't you helping me keep him out of this? You love him too, right?"

Her eyes softened and he replayed his words in his heads. Shit… Turning away in embarrassment, he gave a shrug.

"I'm not letting that bastard die because of me."

"I'm not either."

He turned back to her and the determination he saw there made something in him crack and loosen. Hawkeye would protect Roy, no matter what.

"It was too close last time," he whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

"He was in and out of the hospital within a couple hours. He just needed some stitches, Edward. It wasn't even remotely 'close'."

"But-"

"Stop making excuses!" She yelled, striding forward and grabbing his shoulders roughly – the surprise at hearing her raised voice rooting him to the spot. "You're being a selfish brat, Edward. You love Roy, you want to protect him. How the hell do you think he feels?!"

Her curse and volume surprised him more than her words, but when they settled in he couldn't deny the flash of both guilt and hope that he felt.

"He's working trying to _save_ you while you're out here occupied with killing yourself. How do you think he'll feel if he finds the answer and you're already gone? If you were going to do this to him then you never should've come here. You took on the responsibility of his feelings when you came to him for help. If he fails at saving you, do you know what that will do to him?"

"He'll get over it," Ed said, but his throat was dry and his resolve was cracking away as her words pierced it.

"No, Edward," she said, eyes boring into his. " _He won't."_

* * *

The days passed slowly after that – Edward seemed both more pliable to her wishes and more surly at the same time. He was eating whatever she brought, but grudgingly. Still working (back to paper now that Riza had restored his supply) in that focused (and somewhat disturbing, if she were honest) way where the rest of the world dropped away, but he wasn't looking quite as much like a walking skeleton any more.

Sleep was a little more difficult though…

Riza could get him to stop and force down some food periodically throughout a day, but even though he stopped when she asked (sometimes) to rest, he couldn't get himself to fall asleep. It seemed his mind was too busy to shut off so easily. Most of the time she just listened to his restless turning, teeth grinding and sometimes, when it got really bad, the hitching breaths she knew he was desperately hiding from her.

She pretended he succeeded each time and it ate away at part of her.

She should've come earlier. She shouldn't have sent enlisted men to do the work a friend should've been doing. Even though Falman, Fuery, Breda and Havoc all had their own teams to run now she knew they would've dropped everything to help Edward.

She also knew he would've _hated_ it.

No, telling the others probably would've really sent him running for the hills – not just the outskirts. But that he stuck so close told her he hadn't given up either. It gave her hope that he hadn't run out here to just die and he hadn't run far enough away to keep Roy from finding him if he really wanted. Whether subconsciously or on purpose he didn't want to cut those ties or to give into the Gate just yet.

But how long could he hold out? What if the lead Roy was chasing turned into a dead end? The next time the Gate came calling would Edward have the strength, the resolve, to fight?

She didn't have to wait long to find out…

* * *

Ed scrubbed his face roughly before going back to staring at the array in front of him. He'd swear he'd just drawn the same one three days ago. Wasn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome? He laughed out loud at that, because wasn't that his whole fucking life?

"Edward."

He waved off Hawkeyes's concern for the thousandth time (and didn't that make her insane too?) and scrapped the array he'd just been staring at. Hawkeye's words about how Mustang would feel if he died had kept him focused on more… _positive_ arrays for the last few days, but he had to admit to himself that he wasn't getting anywhere. He just couldn't figure out how to undo the fucking thing! Which shouldn't be a surprise since he didn't really know what he'd done in the first place. The array he designed shouldn't have behaved the way it did so how could he expect to counter it-

"Edward!"

Gritting his teeth to keep from screaming at her that he just fucking ate something and he didn't need a nap like a five year old he spun around to see what her fucking problem was.

And what a problem it was…

Ed's jaw dropped as he followed her gaze to the edge of the encampment where a pinkish haze was rising from the ground. His eyes tracked it slowly to the left until he realized where this was going. Spinning a quick circle, dread curled in his stomach as he saw that it was occurring all around the settlement – in a circle.

"Get out," he said, quietly. "As soon as I clap my hands you run."

"Absolutely not. I'm not-"

"This is some kind of array, Riza," he said, surprised at how steady his voice was. "I promise you I'll fight, but you have to get out."

"I'm not leaving you alone."

"And if both of us die in here who's going to watch out for the bastard?"

That shut her up, as he'd hoped it would. Honestly, he didn't know what would happen when he released his own alchemy. He didn't know what this was surrounding them or how it came about so he couldn't foresee how his own alchemy would react when they clashed.

He mentally apologized for the power he was about to use, but he had to make sure Hawkeye got out of whatever this was.

No one else was going to get hurt because of him…


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Ed concentrated on the feeling of the alchemy in the air, his mind racing at ways to counter it. He just needed maybe 20 seconds. Enough to let Hawkeye get safely to the other side of whatever the hell this was. The arrays flashed fast and furious through his mind and, though he absolutely _hated_ himself for it, there was a split second of almost a giddy anticipation at the thought of using alchemy again on purpose.

The shifting arrays in his mind finally settled on the one he thought would work the best. He rolled his shoulders and lifted his hands, eyes darting to Hawkeye to make sure she was ready. She returned his look with a stiff nod and angled her body toward the closest edge of the camp.

 _Please forgive me…_

The sound of his hands coming together was gunshot loud and was followed a split second later by a roar of power as what he'd stolen clashed with the array surrounding the camp. He saw Hawkeye stumble slightly – whether from the rolling ground or whatever he'd taken from her, he wasn't sure – but she regained her footing quickly and sprinted towards the woods.

The smell of ozone burst across his senses seconds later, followed by something darker and indefinable. That was his only warning before the Gate burst into existence in all its hellish glory, shattering his disturbance array like thin ice. Ed's breath stuttered to a halt as he took in its massive frame – it's massive _solid_ frame.

He realized with a feeling like a gut punch that Truth had gotten tired of the bullshit at last and had somehow managed to bring the Gate forth in this world like it had never been ripped his eyes away from the horrible display to see that the pinkish haze had returned to encompass the camp, now darker and almost solid, but to his relief he could see Hawkeye on the outside of it now. A low groan from the Gate pulled his attention back and he watched with dread and resignation as the door slowly cracked open. But instead of dark, sharp, questing hands a figure stepped out instead. One Ed had definitely not been expecting to ever see again.

Keller, the bastard that started this whole mess, strode from the gate toward him. As he got closer though, he started grinning. A very familiar grin…

The body may have been Keller's, but Ed knew without a doubt that that was actually Truth.

* * *

"Sir!"

Armstrong's barked call jerked Roy's eyes up from the faint wooded path he was following. Eyes darting around for signs of an attack, Roy was confused when he saw nothing dangerous.

"What's the problem, Major-"

Looking to the other man, Roy saw his wide eyed gaze locked on something in front of them. Shifting closer to him, his breath caught as he caught sight of what Armstrong was so worked up about through a gap in the trees.

A pink haze was rising above the tree line ahead.

" _Shit_ ," he hissed, taking off at a run, Armstrong crashing through the brush behind him.

He had no idea what that wash of pink might mean, but he knew it wasn't going to be good. Unfortunately, he found that his instincts were right on when he slid to stop just outside the encampment, now barely visible through the pink wall. The Gate stood in all it's horrible glory at the center. Not an incorporeal vision this time, but fully formed – crushing buildings and casting a huge shadow across the ground.

For a moment Roy just stared, wide eyed. It was truly incredible. He could hear the sound of awe from Armstrong as he stopped next to him. Had Roy not seen it before and knew the horrors involved with coming in contact with it, it would've taken his breath away with its magnificence instead of dread.

"Sir!"

Riza slid to a stop beside him, causing him to tear his eyes from the Gate. He was glad to see that she looked uninjured, just pale, sweaty and very worried.

"Report," he growled, furious at himself for taking too long to get there.

"Situation unknown, sir," she said, shaking her head. "Edward didn't seem to know what was going on either."

"He didn't do this?" Roy asked in surprise.

"No, sir. He was simply working on a new set of arrays when the perimeter started glowing like this. Nothing he did was activated – at least not by him. You can see him from over here – there's a gap between the buildings – he's maybe 30 meters in."

Roy followed her quickly to the left, stomach knotting in apprehension. When he finally laid eyes on Ed his worry skyrocketed instead of being alleviated.

"What the hell happened to him?"

Ed was standing where Riza had said he'd be, golden hair pulled back in a messy ponytail that did nothing to hide the too sharp lines of his shoulders – his clothes hanging off too many points. All the weight Roy had managed to get the man to regain during his time in the safe house was gone, plus some.

"My apologies, sir," Riza said, sounding truly regretful. "While I was in Central covering for your absence I had a small team watching Edward. Apparently my orders weren't specific enough and his state of health wasn't reported – only his actions for the day. I've been working on wellbeing personally since I found out about the decline, but…"

But the damage was done. Ed was standing straight and steady, but how long would that last? What kind of fight would this call for and would Edward have the strength to save himself? Would he even try?

He found out rather quickly.

An unfamiliar figure with a far too familiar grin emerged from the Gate, making Roy curse. Somehow Truth had found a way to step foot in their world and much like the creature "Father" it conjured chains with nothing but a widening of that obscene smile. They burst from the ground in a spray of dirt, springing toward Ed with greedy speed.

Ed's hands jerked up and Roy waited with baited breath for the sound of that clap, but they froze just before they touched – that moment of hesitance giving the chains all the opportunity they needed to wrap around each arm, then jerk tight. Roy swore he could hear the sound of his shoulders dislocating from there. His own breath was stolen from him in that moment, unable to make a sound as the realization that this was _it_ crashed into him. The new Gate that had been protecting Ed wasn't coming to his defense automatically. Either Ed had activated one of the arrays he'd been working on to block it or Truth had found a way.

Ed was going to die.

"No!"

The word trapped in his throat came from Riza's mouth. It was enough to get Edward's attention and he peered over his shoulder at them, defeat and apology painted on his face until he saw Roy. His face crumpled then and it broke something inside Roy to see Fullmetal like that. To see _Ed_ like that. He was a force of nature, a power unto himself, undeniable and interminable – that look of helpless regret didn't belong on Ed.

"D-don't!" Roy stuttered out, forcing the words out of his too tight throat. He had to tell him, he had to tell him before it was too late. "You have to fight, Ed! Don't you dare give up now!"

But Ed was already shaking his head. "I'm sorry," his voice was barely audible. "I won't hurt anyone else. It's better like this."

"Goddamn it, it is _not_ better like this! You weren't hurting anyone Ed! One of the symbols was wrong in the original array - it turned it from using life force to an appeal for help! You're not taking anything that hasn't been freely offered!"

But Ed was giving him a sad smile and shaking his head. "All the symbols were right, Roy. But I appreciate the effort."

Anger and desperation flared up in Roy, making him step closer to the pink wall. It made his skin itch in a familiar way that he brushed off for the moment.

"You narcissistic brat! Consider for one second that you could've been wrong! I've been to Palyo. I know what happened there. The people I spoke with all had one thing in common when remembering what happened, Ed – a fierce desire to _help you_. They saw you standing up for them, fighting for them and they wanted to lend you their strength more than anything right then! When it was over, they weren't sure what they were remembering was real, it seemed like a dream. _That's_ why they were looking at you strangely – they were trying to remember. When they did you were already gone."

Ed's brows had crinkled downward as he listened, but he was still shaking his head. He opened his mouth but before he could get anything out the chains started dragging him toward the Gate. Boots sliding over dusty ground as Ed gave a surprised curse.

Panic squeezed Roy's chest. Dammit, why did Fullmetal have to make everything so difficult!

"Fight, Ed!" He yelled, his voice breaking slightly. "The symbol that you thought was meant for life force was just life energy! Energy that people are constantly making! It doesn't steal from anyone, it collects what energy they want to give. _That's_ what that symbol does – it collects freely given energy and enables you to use it. You're not killing anyone, it's not taking anything that won't… _refill_ ," Mustang desperately tried to explain.

It didn't sound like enough to make Ed believe him to his own ears, but Ed's mind wasn't like anyone else's – he could practically see the wheels turning and the pieces falling into place with the information Roy had just given him even as the Gate dragged him inch by inch toward it's gaping maw.

"Because of the third and fifth elements of the design," Ed breathed finally, his eyes focusing and snapping to Roy's in wonder. "Those in conjunction… they change the entire thing!"

The smile that broke out over Ed's face was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds after months of rain. The relief, the _joy_ , in the realization he hadn't hurt anyone, hadn't stolen moments of their life away, transformed his face in a way that made Roy realize without a shadow of a doubt that he _couldn't_ let anything happen to that man.

But it was too late now. Ed's eyes widened as the chains jerked and his boots skittered over the ground. He dug in now, cursing and pulling and jerking against the metal bonds, but it wasn't making any difference in the steady pull. The Gate had smartly imprisoned his arms, keeping him from bringing his hands together.

"Sir! There!"

It took monumental effort to tear his eyes from Ed's struggle and follow Riza's pointed finger, but he did. There, on the side of a leaning shack of a building, amidst countless other arrays, was one glowing with the same pink life as the wall around the area. If he could just destroy that array-

The sound of gunfire right next to him made his jerk away with a curse, but when he realized what Riza was aiming at the reprimand died on his lips and he looked hopefully back at the array.

The still glowing array.

"Damn," she hissed.

It occurred to him then that Armstrong had been entirely too quiet during all of this. But when he turned to question if he had a plan, he saw that the man had been so silent because he wasn't there.

"Where the hell-"

A sharp curse jerked his attention back to the painfully slow one-sided battle going on inside the encampment. Ed had lost his footing and was now being dragged across the ground toward the grinning Truth and the impenetrable darkness inside the Gate.

"No!" Roy yelled, slamming his hands against the pink barrier in a moment of fear and frustration.

Then everything disappeared in a wash of white…


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Ed was caught between laughing hysterically and sobbing. The guilt that had been gnawing away at him for all of this time pulled back from the raw wounds it had made, leaving a sense of wonder in its wake. He hadn't been hurting anyone! They'd wanted to _help_ him. All of that power, power gathered from random people in random places hadn't been random at all. They'd all known him and offered up what they had to give, even if it was subconsciously, to help him.

It was beyond humbling…

And now here he was, finally wanting to use that power offered to him and he couldn't. He knew perfectly well why Truth had taken Keller's body – to interact with this plane more easily. He'd most likely used it to activate one of the few hundred different arrays Ed had constructed aimed at blocking the new Gate from manifesting. It was cold comfort to know it apparently worked just as he'd planned. He'd probably also used it to create this array around the camp that trapped him here-

Ed's eyes went wide in realization. He dug his feet into the ground, trying to look back at Roy to warn him. Instead he caught sight of something that totally derailed his panic for a moment – Armstrong, _on the inside of the wall with him_ , climbing out of a hole in the ground. He put two and two together and grinned viciously. If Armstrong was successful…

He put his all into turning to Roy again with the intent of warning him, but when he finally got his damn feet to quit sliding on the ground enough to get some traction and turn, he saw that with horror that he was too late – Roy was gone. He could see Hawkeye staring at the spot he'd been with barely concealed panic. He also saw the determination on her face as she reached a hand toward the glowing pink wall.

"Don't!" He yelled, craning his neck to meet her eyes as she paused. "I'll bring him back! Trust me!"

It wasn't much of a plea, but he was close enough to the door now to actually _feel_ the darkness touching his skin, smell the inhuman scent of Keller's preserved body and see his reflection in Truth's grin – panic stole his breath. He wasn't sure if he could keep his promise if he entered the Gate this way…

 _Hurry the fuck up Major…_

And hurry the fuck up he did. Ed didn't need to peel his eyes from Truth or the gaping doorway in front of him to know that Armstrong had succeeded. The sudden explosion of power and sound of ripping behind him told him that the symbol blocking his new Gate had been destroyed better than seeing it happen with his own eyes. As did the scream of fury from Truth.

Darting light erupted around him, vaporizing the chains as he felt his ruined shoulders mending. He met Kell- no, _Truth's_ eyes and had a moment of déjà vu. They were going to finish this where it started.

He clapped.

* * *

Roy stood in the familiar white landscape frozen in shock. Of course, now that he thought about it, it made perfect sense. What better barrier to put up than one that would take your prey to its intended cage if it touched it?

That thought managed to thaw his shock with a burst of rage. He spun, knowing that the Gate would be looming behind him. He was surprised though, to see only a hazy representation of the Gate – much like he'd seen in his dining room when it attacked Ed. Truth was there though, not wearing its human body in this realm but as solid as he'd seen it.

"You bastard," he growled. "You just can't leave him in peace, can you?"

"I'm not the one who did this. He is," it said, its obscene grin slipping a notch. "I am just fixing the mess that he made."

"What mess?! He saved that town! Stopped a madman! You're not a dutiful sentry doing your job. You're vindictive and narcissistic – angry someone stepped on your toes and outwitted you."

"There must be order!" It yelled, making the very landscape tremble as Roy took an instinctual step back. "Equivalent exchange must be upheld!"

"You weren't so concerned when it was the homunculus 'Father' disregarding your precious equivalent exchange."

The rage was gone from Truth as quickly as it had appeared, its grin returning. "His hubris and greed were far too great to be confined to any container. It was obvious he would destroy himself in time."

"So you let him kill thousands-"

"He controlled the power of thousands of souls. There was indeed an exchange-"

"Ed's using power freely given-" Roy stopped, the pieces clicking together. "You think he'll replace you…"

Wrong thing to say apparently, because he found himself dangling above the ground, Truth's hazy fist curled in the front of his shirt as the landscape took on a redish hue.

"I cannot be replaced," it hissed.

"Put him down, fucker!"

The elation Roy felt at hearing Ed's voice was crushed seconds later by reality – now they were both trapped in Truth's domain…

Roy found himself dropped unceremoniously, barely getting his feet under him to prevent a face-plant, as Truth turned to greet Ed - its smile practically eating up its face as its mood shifted again.

"How stupid you must be," it said. "To achieve freedom at the last minute and come here anyway."

"We're finishing this," Ed said, face dark with fury and determination. "I'm tired of you stalking me like some creepy ex. What the hell do you want from me?"

"Only for you to cease your current existence."

Its voice was flat and grin turned sneer as the Gate appeared behind it solidly with a roar and the doors snapped open, those horrible questing hands darting out. The crack of Ed's answering clap was loud in this place, but the sound of ripping as Ed's Gate tore into existence and the roar of power as it released darting rays of light that vaporized the shadowy hands was louder.

But the Gate didn't stop expelling the little dark ribbons, they just kept coming – the sheer volume of them making it hard for Ed's Gate to keep up with destroying them. Roy clapped his own hands, not sure that flame would help in this realm but determined to try, but nothing happened.

"Dammit," he hissed, realizing this was Ed's fight and there was nothing he could-

"Take my Gate!" He blurted, the idea coming suddenly.

Ed's too wide gold eyes snapped to Roy with much more fear than he'd been looking at those hands with.

"Shut the fuck up, Roy! Stay outta this!"

The blackness coming from the Gate paused in its advance as Truth looked at Roy with a cocked head before shrugging.

"A tempting offer, but that's not enough," it said.

"Why not?!" He yelled. "You gave back Alphonse for that price! You haven't even taken Ed yet!"

"It doesn't matter because you're not giving that bastard anything!" Ed shouted. "Not for me."

The last part was added under his breath, but Roy still caught it.

"Then what about for me?" Roy asked, his words tight. "You don't want me doing it for you, but I can do it for myself. Because if that thing takes you… The world without Edward Elric isn't one I want to go back to."

Ed's eyes bored into his own, the color startling in this washed out landscape of whites and greys. Slowly Ed lowered his hands, not taking his eyes off Roy as he spoke to Truth.

"You don't want someone with the power to counter act your purpose – balance. You think that's what I'll do, right? I'll teach people a way to do what I'm doing – using others energy or their own instead of going through you. What if I give that up?"

Truth was silent and Roy's jaw dropped at the simplicity of it. Of course! The Gate didn't want the competition, so if Ed gave up his Gate a second time…

Ed's eyes finally tore away from Roy's and he looked at Truth. "I never wanted this fucking power in the first place. Even now, knowing it's not hurting people… I don't need it. I just wanted to save that town. Take it."

"That alone is still not enough," Truth said, but quietly, thoughtfully, as the black hands started roiling behind it. "But the two of you together…"

Ed's furious yell was drowned out by the sound of Ed's Gate collapsing. But Roy wasn't able to see it because a strange sensation washed through him, leaving him light headed and dizzy. The last thing he saw before darkness took him was Ed's mouth yelling his name, though he couldn't hear him…

* * *

Ed stared at the ceiling and listened to the quiet shuffling of the nurses and patients in the hall. Waiting… Waiting for Roy to wake up - waiting for him to confirm Ed's fear.

His alchemy was gone.

For Ed, it was a kind of freedom. He would always miss the ability to perform alchemy, but he was glad not to have that patchwork Gate of other people's power looming behind him. Even knowing it was probably more watching out for him that actually looming menacingly didn't change the fact he was glad it was gone. Charity was definitely better than slow murder, but it was still unwelcome. And the fucking thing was creepy…

Then there was the relief at knowing Truth wasn't going to pop out of every array and drag his ass into the darkness. He didn't think that one would fully sink in until he saw an array activated near him with no consequences, though. And even then it would probably take a long time for the paranoia to fade, but still… the relief was overwhelming.

But so was the dread.

He snuck another look over at Roy. As he was waking he'd heard the doctor tell Hawkeye they were both just sleeping, no injuries (he did go on for a while about Ed's general state of health, but he tuned that out), so it was just a matter of waiting.

Waiting for Roy to wake up and realize he'd just completely upended his life to save Edward.

Waiting for him to realize what a monumental mistake he'd made.

Waiting for him to look at Ed with resentment.

He swallowed hard and went back to staring at the ceiling. What would Roy do now? Would he… _Could_ he hide the fact he couldn't do alchemy anymore? It's not like they were in war time, but still… Someone might want to see some flames from The Flame Alchemist at some point.

"You're thinking too loud," a gruff voice complained. Ed jerked his head to the right to see Roy, eyes still closed as if he were asleep. "I can _hear_ the angst rolling off of you. Knock it off."

The usual biting comeback wouldn't surface as Ed stared at him. Instead he asked something he wasn't sure he was ready to hear the answer to.

"How are you feeling?"

Silence spread out between them, making Ed itch as he waited for condemnation or a brush off.

"I feel… free," Roy said finally, the lightness and wonder in his voice taking Ed completely off guard. "I know you'll think that's a lie but… I'm no longer The Flame Alchemist and… being free of that title… I never thought…"

He shook his head with a huff of amused breath before sitting up and staring down at his hands. Roy was right, Ed had thought he was absolutely fucking lying when he said he felt "free" – a bid to try and keep Ed from feeling like a total asshole. But when Roy looked at him, he could see the reality of it in his eyes. The complete sincerity as he spoke again.

"When you left, I wondered what the hell you would do next, but I never imagined how liberating that idea was. To strip away the expectations and the responsibilities of that title, that _power_ …"

Ed stared at him with wide eyes. He'd… never thought of it like that. To him it had been more like his identity being stripped away than responsibility. Alchemy was who he _was_ , that's why he'd gotten mired more and more in the theoretical – because he couldn't let go. Couldn't move on and find something new.

"You know what this means though?" Roy asked. "You'll have to make my coffee every morning from here on out."

The laughter that bubbled out of Ed brought tears to his eyes.

"That's just you being lazy," he choked out. He didn't add that making Roy's coffee for the rest of his life was the least he could do. "But seriously… What are we- you going to do now?"

Ed bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood, embarrassed by his subconscious slip up. Not that his life after alchemy had been bad – he enjoyed the travel, the people and the danger and excitement of hunting bounties. But spending time with Roy, then leaving that behind… It'd be like losing another limb…

"Well," Roy said, thoughtfully rubbing his chin and looking at the ceiling. "To be honest, I was really hoping we could go to that place on that one Aerugo postcard. The one by the ocean?"

"I'm not your tour guide, bastard," Ed said, forcing the words past a tight throat as relief and an unfamiliar feeling of contentment swept through him. "But yeah, okay, that sounds good…"


End file.
